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OpheliaDev1


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You don't see a connection here? Really?
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My cousin's son (8 years old) is a poorly behaved child. His parents are divorced and I think they both indulge him. My cousin returned from a party last night, complaining how her son had been a brat the whole time, saying "I'm bored" and "When can we leave?" and being disobedient. While she's complaining, he's playing with his toys. Um...he's a brat because IT WORKS. He got what he wanted. He doesn't really care that you're annoyed.

THEN she's made b/c her brother made his wedding no kids. Now, she did have a point here - she has been told for weeks that her son was invited. And now he's not. And I see her point - she's supposed to drive for five hours each way to this destination wedding at the beach without her child? But she JUST SAID he's a brat! I love my cousin. She's like my second sister. But if I ever get married - I really don't want her son there.

It's like this huge disconnect in her brain between his bad behavior and that fact that some people don't what to be around him. I don't go to movies with them b/c he talks THE WHOLE TIME. We went to see "The Hobbit" and they had been listening to the book on tape...so the WHOLE MOVIE he'd say what was about to happen next.

When he was only FOUR and I'd take him to the movies, I'd tell him, "It's bad movie manners to talk during the movie. So unless you need to go to the bathroom, don't say anything. If you are not quiet during the movie, we will leave." and GUESS WHAT??? He didn't say a PEEP during the whole movie! If he could do it at 4, he can do it at 8.



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RichardInTN


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I see the connection (but I have a brat of my own that The Wife has groomed to be that way...)!

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Evil Stepmother


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It is sad for your cousin's son that his obnoxious behavior makes his own relatives not want him around. He is likely to only get worse as a teenager if she can't get a grip on it now.

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OpheliaDev1


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His parents are convinced it's all the ADHD. But you know what? When my mom's in charge, that kid toes the line!

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RichardInTN


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ADHD is used as an excuse WAAAAAY too much. Sorry. Many of the "ADHD" kids are just misbehaving little snots... because they learned that being little snots will get them their way.

I feel bad for them when it comes time to actually handle REAL adult responsibilities... and (for example) they try throwing their tantrum at the Electric Company... see how far the tantrum gets them.

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OpheliaDev1


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I feel bad for him now. As far as I can tell, he is never invited on playdates, etc. As far as I can tell, he doesn't do anything with other kids outside of school, soccer, etc. Other parents do not seek out his company for their kids.

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RichardInTN


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I feel bad for him too... but I blame the parent(s) responsible for teaching him to act how he acts to get what he wants.

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OpheliaDev1


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RichardInTN wrote:

I feel bad for him too... but I blame the parent(s) responsible for teaching him to act how he acts to get what he wants.

 You are 100% correct. I feel like his parents have allowed a bright, inquisitive and charming child to become a brat and a bully. In my cousins' case, her brother was the very very clear favorite of both of her parents (they were divorced). She felt (and was) ignored, misunderstood and shunted aside. So it is very very important to her for her son to always feel loved. But I think she equates feeling bad, mad, frustrated, etc with feeling unloved. So one of his favorite tricks was when he was supposed to be in time out to say, "Mommy, I need a hug." She didn't see that as manipulation until the last year or so.



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Bets


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RichardInTN wrote:

I feel bad for him too... but I blame the parent(s) responsible for teaching him to act how he acts to get what he wants.

 I agree  with this.

 

Sis and I have a friend with one of these kids. Always whining and being a brat because it is how he gets attention.

I remember a few years ago when he started acting up and sis said " a person gets listened to when they are patient and respectful- not when they are throwing tantrums and screaming." He stopped and looked at her like she was the one that was throwing a tantrum and said "no... they don't listen until you yell!"

We felt bad for him and explained that the rules were different in our house. He has learned that if he wants attention from us, he has to behave.



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