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Forty-two · Guru

I can't believe you yelled-deal breakers for men

OHWaitress · Veteran Member

Our mutual deal breakers are physical or verbal violence or cheating. Anything else we can work with, around or through.
My additional deal-breaker has to do with his health. He must continue to do the things he is supposed to do with regards to controlling his diabetes and managing his stage 3 kidney failure. If he fails to do that and his condition worsens as a result of that he is on his own. I won't divorce him over it but he will find someplace else to live and someone else to care for him.

coconut · Senior Member

I guess it would depend on what he was yelling. But cheating and violence would definitely be a dealbreaker.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

I really can't think of any "absolute" deal breakers. I can think of many things that would strain the relationship... and if there is enough strain eventually it would break... but "do it once and I'm outta here" deal breakers? Nope.

I used to think I had a few, but I am still married to my wife, even though she's broken all of them.

Lady Marsali · Senior Member

Ex was (probably still is) a yeller. Like 'rattle the windows' yelling when he got himself worked up over something. Asking him to stop yelling at me would cause him to go scarlet in the face, veins throbbing and he'd bellow even louder "I'M NOT YELLING!!!"

I put up with it for too long.

It probably would be a deal-breaker for me now. I will not be treated like that by anyone again.

coconut · Senior Member

Sorry to hear that Lady!

Lady Marsali · Senior Member

FrootLoop wrote:
XH and I yelled at each other, a huge part of why he is an X. I didn't start out raising my voice to him, it happened gradually and made me feel ugly inside. That is not the type of life I was raised with, nor the type of life that I want.

I didn't try to yell back at Ex -- he could out-shout me and I hate acting like that anyway. I frequently walked out of the room, which sent him into almost equal frenzy.
How DARE I walk away form him?!?!?!
You're screaming at me, that's how I dare.

-- Edited by Lady Marsali on Saturday 2nd of June 2012 01:15:12 PM

FrootLoop · Naturally Frootilicious

I have to say no, I honestly don't know what his dealbreaker with me would be! I'm going to ask though because now I'm curious. I do know he doesn't ever want me to keep things from him, things like how I'm feeling about things or if I'm unhappy in any way. So my guess would be something along those lines.

XH and I yelled at each other, a huge part of why he is an X. I didn't start out raising my voice to him, it happened gradually and made me feel ugly inside. That is not the type of life I was raised with, nor the type of life that I want.

I've never yelled at my SO, well we've never had a big disagreement either lol.

~FrootLoop

Apple · Veteran Member

Sometimes what you think would be a deal breaker turns out not to be so I'd rather not guess.

Lady Marsali · Senior Member

Apple wrote:
Sometimes what you think would be a deal breaker turns out not to be so I'd rather not guess.

And sometimes what you think wouldn't be is.

Union Jack · Newbie

The movement of my possessions, without my express permission, is not only a "dealbreaker" as you say but it invariably sends me into a rage and turns my face several different colours. Such conduct will never be tolerated by me. Happily, my beloved understands this, and I show the utmost respect to her boundaries as well.

Saturn · Veteran Member

Me and my DH were just talking about this last night. We have been married 5 years now and were kind of "evaluating" our other friends marriages. Like talking about the differences and such. We were surprised to find that an engaged couple we know seem to have differing ideas on whether or not to have kids. Talk about a major indicator of trouble ahead. I think it is crazy not to set clear expectations before making a lifetime commitment. I mentioned that a married couple we know, the husbands behaviour would be a deal breaker for me. (he likes to go to the bars and flirt with girls half his age to boost his ego. sees nothing wrong with it as he claims to never take it any further)

Anyway he had never heard of the term "deal breaker" pertaining to relationships. I gave a quick explanation. Arguing/yelling was at the top of the list for both of us. We have never had a yelling match. We both are of the same mind on that - we talk things out. We can always agree to disagree or see the others point but not agree, you get the idea. We also believe that compromise works great and is necessary.

ladyloonatic · Senior Member

I tend to think physical and verbal abuse as well as infidelity would be dealbreakers for me, but I'm currently single and not likely to get married again, so it's a bit of a moot point.

I thought infidelity would be an immediate deal breaker, but as it turned out, I looked the other way a couple times. I didn't have "proof" but suspected it. Hubby denied it. I moved on. It did put a strain on the relationship, which I eventually put an end to.

HamsterFan · Owner of Halvdan

RichardInTN wrote:
I really can't think of any "absolute" deal breakers. I can think of many things that would strain the relationship... and if there is enough strain eventually it would break... but "do it once and I'm outta here" deal breakers? Nope.

I used to think I had a few, but I am still married to my wife, even though she's broken all of them.

This somehow strikes me as very sad.