Invisapeeps 2.0

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Controlling spouses

Mischa · Loins of Joy

Sorry, don't get it either! Can't help!

kapper · I am always right, unless I am wrong.

Sorry, I really suck at that concept. If my husband tried to tell me what I couldn't do, I would have to do just to prove he can't tell me what to do (even if I really didn't want to). Fortunately he knows this and always phrases it as a request. As in "I would really appreciate it if you didn't buy a new couch right now".

dqm either · Don't Quote Me

My spouse can do whatever he wants. He just can't do whatever he wants and remain married to me.

Mom of half a dozen · Guru

dqm either wrote:
My spouse can do whatever he wants. He just can't do whatever he wants and remain married to me.

EXACTLY THIS! I have my boundaries and if I think he is going to cross it I wouldn't hesitate to let him know. He is a big boy and can make his own choices but I get to make mine as well. Of course we had this talk before we got married so I don't anticipate any problems but if there was one I would have no issue with telling him if he wants to stay married he won't do it.

Evil Stepmother · Guru

Most of the time both my husband and I consider what course of action the other might want before we act. Neither of us is really controlling. One of my faults is that I tend to be bossy and try to get him to do little things like wash dishes or water the tomato plants the way I want it done.

FRAED · Guru

I can see asking your spouse to not do something but telling them? Um, no. I'd turn into a defiant teenager and do it anyway just for spite.

ETA: and even asking them to not do something (for me) would have to be something major.

-- Edited by FRAED on Friday 13th of July 2012 09:03:35 AM

tigerlily · Guru

dqm either wrote:
My spouse can do whatever he wants. He just can't do whatever he wants and remain married to me.

Agreed.

I don't think I know of anyone whose spouse 'tells' them what they can or can't do for any reason other than for something that would be a marriage-ender. So in that case, it's more of a "if you choose to do that, then we can't be together" rather than forbidding them just for the sake of it.

tigerlily · Guru

I don't understand the mindset of people judging someone as being a controlling spouse (obviously if you are the spouse, your opinion is valid since you're in the relationship). Maybe if the outsiders ponder it in private, but not as public gossip.

I have seen instances where one spouse will commit the couple to doing something without telling the other and when the other spouse finally finds out and doesn't want to join, outsiders then say that the unconsulted spouse is being 'controlling'. Or a spouse doing something the other wants and then being ridiculed by people for being controlled. Actual ridicule/less respect, not just teasing.

Evil Stepmother · Guru

My husband did tell me right before we got married that I cannot get any more pets until at least three are gone. In his defense I have six cats and two dogs. He has a cat and last summer a dog showed up in our yard, liked the looks of the place and stayed.

Mom of half a dozen · Guru

Evil Stepmother wrote:
My husband did tell me right before we got married that I cannot get any more pets until at least three are gone. In his defense I have six cats and two dogs. He has a cat and last summer a dog showed up in our yard, liked the looks of the place and stayed.

I think this would upset some people but I see it as valid. I think a spouse has the right to say "no way, not gonna happen" when it concerns them too. I think a lot of people just get up in arms over how it is brought up. If he said "between the 2 of us we have a lot of animals, we just can't handle anymore, sorry." most people wouldn't think anything of it. If he had said "Hell no woman! I said no more animals" it would piss people off. Both mean the same thing just into words differently.