As soon as her account is approved she'll be here to tell you the details, but in the meantime, she's given permission to announce that she won the custody case!
Everyone do a happy dance!
-- Edited by Potatochiplady on Friday 13th of July 2012 05:29:32 PM
Was she going for custody of her own child or a relative's child?
I'm happy that the child has permanancy. I work with kids in foster care and the goal we are always working towards is permanent placement. My congratulations to this family.
She as going for primary physical custody of her bio-kids because they were being treated poorly by their step-mother (called CNW for Crazy New Wife) and their dad was not being a dad.
So we negotiated a settlement Thursday night, but I don't put anything past XH and CNW, so my attorney and I came prepared for trial Friday. They tried some last minutes stall tactics, but we were very well prepared and shut them down. So I won physical custody of the WonderTwins! I'm not sure it has really sunk in yet, because I thought I'd be jumping off tables and ****, but instead I'm sleepy and want to take a nap. :P The children are relieved!
I really cannot thank the Peeps enough for following our story and supporting us with your thoughts, prayers, and other help we have received. Thank you so much for lifting my family up, and for praying/sending good thoughts for my children.
"What kind of stall tactics did they try, AJsGirl? Given all you've said about them, I'm not surprised they tried, but am just curious about what they thought they could get away with."
Well first, as soon as he, his wife, and his attorney showed up, they holed up in a little office outside the judge's chambers for almost an hour. So my spidey sense was tingling.
We'd been back and forth in negotiations for 3 days. Each time we thought we had something, my attorney would type up the Order for signatures, only to have them come back and argue about something. The copy they originally signed this morning was the wrong copy, one that would have screwed me out of about $800.00. Hmm, wonder why they were in that little office?
Then they tried to argue my "stepmother provision", in which I requested that CNW not be present for custody transfers. Since CNW is his main form of transporting the kids, I knew that one would hurt. The judge probably would have thrown it out, but I knew it would AT LEAST piss off CNW, which it did to the highest! They asked for exceptions to this provision under certain circumstances. My attorney was ready to take that issue alone to the judge, but I said to allow it just so he'd sign the damn papers already.
Then when the judge was ready to see us, his attorney came running out of that little side office looking like he'd just seen a ghost, and told the bailiffs to tell the judge to wait. I said no way. Then his attorney disappeared in to that little office again, so my attorney went to talk to the judge. Then all of a sudden they were ready to sign.
CNW wore all black, like she was in mourning or something. But the kids are so relieved!
"So what does this mean? The kids are with you full time now? Their dad still gets holidays, etc.? Sorry for my ignorance, I'm not really familiar with what it all entails."
They will now live with me full time. He gets every other weekend visitation, and we alternate holidays. He will also get 3 non-consecutive weeks in the summer (but not this summer, since it's only 3 weeks until school starts).
We knew this has always been about the money since the beginning. Child support what what XH fought over the most, so we agreed to lower it by $40 a month to entice him to sign. That $10 a week made all the difference in the world to him though, and he decided to sign. He still has to pay half of the kids' medical bills in addition to child support.
ETA: Forgot to mention that we still share joint legal custody, which is standard practice here. All that really means is that he's not terminating his parental rights, and has access to all the kids' teachers, doctors, etc.
"Do the WonderTwins get to see their dad when they want now? Or is it still mandatory visitations?"
Every other weekend is mandatory, and that is all that's in the papers other than 3 weeks of the summer (there's usually about 10 weeks out of school) and alternating holidays. The kids don't really want to see him more than that (or at all), but if they asked to go see him on a different day, I'd definitely let them go.
Oh oh oh! The best part! When it was time for me to sign, my attorney and I took the office directly across the hall (they were mediation rooms or something) and I could see XH and CNW. They both shot me hateful looks, and I smiled a big ole smile right back!!! Bwahahahaha!!
"Has CNW done anything particularly crazy lately? I mean, she's not been retaliating against the kids or anything, has she?"
We sent our settlement proposal immediately after we got the guardian ad litem's report. (I was hoping to shorten the process, but it didn't since they sat on my proposal for over 2 months.) So XH and CNW got both in the same week. And went bat-**** crazy. They had the kids that week, which I was hoping wouldn't happen, but what could I do. The both of them were so enraged that XH went on a rampage throughout the house, picking up anything that wasn't nailed down and throwing it in trash bags to sell at a consignment shop. CNW called her mother in hysterics, crying that they were going to have to sell the house and live on the street because they'd be so poor after having to pay child support. The kids were just watching in shock, until both XH and CNW turned on them.
They tore through the kids' rooms, throwing out all their toys and most of their clothes. My DD is the more outspoken one, so she engaged. XH screamed at her that this is what they wanted, what THEY asked for, and he was only doing what they wanted!! DS was crying, which pissed DD off even more. DS tearfully told me about how he went downstairs and tried to save his Nerf gun from the garbage bin, and his dad turned on him as well, screaming and yelling obscenities at him. My son is so docile, so sweet, this just absolutely CRUSHED him. DS has always held out hope that XH would come around and be a great father, until right then. The kids expected this kind of behavior from CNW, but not XH. (I told the children to make me a list of toys XH and CNW threw out, and I will replace them all out of the first child support check.)
The next several visitation weeks there were spent with XH and CNW being angry, and doing everything they could to make the kids feel guilty for wanting to live with me - telling them the child support would bankrupt them, they couldn't afford food or utilities, and would have to sell the house. The guilt trip worked - the kids were scared and wanted to back out. AJ and I had to have a long talk with the kids (which I shouldn't have had to do, but XH dragged them in to this) to calm their fears. I told them I was not making their dad pay for their health insurance which should save him money, I even agreed to lower the child support amount. I explained how my utilities, groceries, etc are going to go up because they will be home more, while XH's will go down. XH will not have to buy clothes, school supplies, etc. It was stupid. Kids shouldn't know what child support is for. But after AJ and I talked to them, they felt much better.
The next week the kids went over to XH's house, they were shocked to find all new hardwood floors throughout the house. DD and DS were OUTRAGED. DD confronted her dad about it. When the kids got back to my house, they called the guardian ad litem and told her everything. No more sympathy from the kids from that moment on.
I mean, it was like DD and DS were the adults, and XH and CNW were the children throwing temper tantrums. Even I was shocked at how far they went.
So those are the juicy details. I woke up this morning feeling AWESOME!!! I just feel so light and happy, and I just want to laugh and smile so much!! The kids are with XH right now, this will be his first visitation weekend. But I get them back tomorrow night!!!!!!
Seriously, they threw fits and the got new hardwood floors before this has all be settled?!? They are all kinds of special. I am feel for your children having to be in such an adult situation when they shouldn't have to be but I am glad their life will start to have more stability. I hope their visitation weekend goes well and the drama can settle down for everyone. *hugs* to you and AJ, and I hope you have a relaxing day for you both.
We don't have guardian ad litem's in CA. Our equivalent is called Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA). I'm a CASA and I work with kids in similar situations.
If it makes you feel any better I think you did the right thing in explaining the situation to your kids. Depending on their ages the GAL/CASA is going to ask them what they want and give a recommendation to the judge as your child's advocate.
Sometimes parents make a huge mistake in trying to protect their child from the reality of their world. Kids can't make decisions if they don't know the facts.
I'm really curious about the 3 non consecutive weeks in the summer? That strikes me as odd.
dgm, our GAL was the pivotal point in our case. They are not automatically assigned here unless the children are being abused or delinquent, so we had to hire one ourselves. The kids are 12 and 13. Even though the age to choose who you want to live with is 14, the judge and the GAL said they thought the kids were old enough anyway.
I know I can't protect them from everything, but there are some things that I think are "adult" issues, and child support is one of them. I spend a good bit of my time trying to do damage control because the stepmother is emotionally and verbally abusive. Well, maybe I won't have to so much anymore, now that they will live with me!
The kids actually asked for 3 non-consecutive weeks in the summer. They wanted summer vacation with their dad, but didn't think they could cope with more than a week at a time.
So my spidey sense was tingling.
I said no way. Then his attorney disappeared in to that little office again, so my attorney went to talk to the judge. Then all of a sudden they were ready to sign.
Bwahahahaha!! 
Even I was shocked at how far they went.
