As most of you know DH got promoted and moved to a new plant out of state. He has been coming home every other weekend to visit. He stays in a hotel in Georgia and has been house hunting. We settled on one and he is putting in an app. It will be better for him once he is in a house and able to settle in. He will be visiting once a month after he gets the house. I have backed him this entire time. I have done everything I could to ensure he was able to go for this promotion. It's best for our family and i'm proud of him. It looks like he might promoted again in the not to distant future.
Now for the irrational part. I am pissed. My husband is moving away. I am being left alone to raise our kids. WTH is wrong with me?!? I helped make this possible, I told him to go for it. Logically it's what's best right now. There was a post on Zeta (about long distance marriages) that I responded to. It made me realize I wasn't just breezing though this like I thought I would. This made me examine my feelings on the subject, and i've found i'm mad.
So peeps, feel free to give me a giant kick in the behind. I need to snap out of this. It's ridiculous and makes NO SENSE!!!
I wouldn't say it makes no sense. Even though you wanted this to happen, you are now in a difficult position and that is frustrating and aggravating. Raising 6 kids on your own? I think most people would say that is a very reasonable thing to get angry about!
I don't think you should blame yourself for your feelings-it's better that you acknowledge them and can make a conscious decision about what to do -or try to do- about them.
I recall seeing that you were planning on moving the family over the summer. I assume that you're plan is to not move the kids during the school year. You may want to rethink this.
I know every situation is different.
Mom got a job in big town and moved us there. Within 2 weeks of working there, she knew that job wasn't for her and then took a new job in little town about 40 miles away. Since we'd started school, all of 3 days, she decided to stay there and move the next summer. I suspect, but she never would confirm, that there was an apartment lease situation.
I was completely frustrated that year. What was the point in meeting people and making friends, in the 9th grade, when we were just going to move again? So, I didn't. I also ended up starting a new high school in a new town. Not fun! Littel brother and I both would have preferred to have moved during the school year as that would have made the transition into a new environment, seemingly, easier.
It is completely okay to feel the way you feel. You have a tremendous responsibility on your shoulders and I'm sure it isn't easy. Please don't ever hesitate to vent here!
__________________
"I never understood why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked." - Sophia Petrillo
Katty, the reason we aren't leaving now is because we have a 4 year old daughter who just got into preschool. She is getting speech therapy while she is there. There are only so many slots open and I doubt I could get her into a preschool in Georgia at this point. I am going to have DH check, on the off chance we can find an opening. Also our oldest (Joey) is a stubborn butt head. He has an issue with being told what what to do. I took him out of school when he was in second grade, he was being very disrespectful to the teachers and aides. He matured and I sent him back for third grade. It was rocky to start but he made great progress and by the end of the year was doing very well. He is in 4th grade now and has a classroom that fits his personality perfectly. It is bright and active, they sit in groups (countries) and use exercise balls for chairs. They do physical fitness throughout the day as part of the schedule. His teacher is a great fit, she was a student teacher for his 3rd grade teacher. It is where she learned a lot of her strategies and where he made so much progress. I feel like if he can get through this year it will all work out. He is doing well so far. I'm also worried because they are on a different schedule than we are as far as school. They start earlier and I don't think we would match up, however that is the least of my worries. I could always do school at home on the weekend to catch them up.
Off to pick up Joey from the after school program. I will be back to post more later.
I forgot to say thanks to everyone for the support. I really am grateful, I was just focused on answering questions.
So... I yelled during a phone call with DH tonight. I'm an *******. He hasn't even done anything wrong, and I made him feel bad. On the plus side I think I figured out why I am so mad. My parents marriage was not good. They yelled a lot and were both very selfish. It was very every man for himself. I didn't want a marriage like that, I was going to talk out my issues and be selfless (haha, yeah feel free to laugh here). I put myself last from the very beginning. This continued throughout our marriage, until about a year ago when I blew my top. Poor DH had no idea I felt so ignored. I pointed out that me being last was the theme of our marriage/family. He was surprised by everything I pointed out to back it up. He has done better about "remembering I exist" (see, told you I was an *******) and I have tried to express when I was feeling ignored. He has slipped a few times but as a whole it has been better. Even though I had a lot to do with our current situation, I still feel pissed. Maybe that is why i'm pissed? I keep putting myself into situations where I have to suck it up, take one for the team, put myself last. I'm not even that pissed at him, i'm pissed at me. It never occurred to me I would feel this way. This is the best choice for our family, of course it's what we would do. It isn't about me being last, it's about what's right for us right now. That's just not the way I feel, well I guess it is, but it's not all I feel. I didn't see that coming. It was a little bit shocking to discover that was why I was mad.
DH got a house. He signs the lease this week and will move in next Wednesday, on Halloween. He was supposed to come home to visit this weekend, but now he is flying in on Friday night and leaving Saturday afternoon to drive back. He will be able to take some things back with him this time since he is getting the house soon. Also, he won't have to keep renting a car. He will only be coming home once a month now. I know it sounds mean but I think it will make it easier for me. The way things are now I never know when he is coming/leaving, and his being here throws everything off. Our whole house stops. This will be more planned out. We will get to be together as a family for Thanksgiving. I'm trying to focus on the positive. This isn't forever. I just don't want to let my anger cause lasting damage, so I will vent here and try to work out my issues.
Just read this MomHD. I do not think you are a ****** or anything else derogatory. It is one thing to think logically about someone and support them 100% and it is another thing to find yourself lumped with all the work. Yes you want what is best for your family but I think you have fallen into the trap a lot of women do, which is to put yourself last. I understand it is hard when you do want to spoil your family. I tend to do the same at times and then get upset when DH doesn't notice that, once again, I have missed out on something. Unfortunately if you are not home you tend not to see the work that goes into things.
I think you are a bit envious of DH as well. Hell I would be. He gets to live the single life, no responsibility, no chores, time to himself and socializing as an adult. You on the other hand are on call 24 / 7.
I think what you do need is a thank you from DH that you are doing all these things so he can succeed. Everyone needs a thank you for the hard work they have done. Once you know he appreciates what you are doing it might make things feel better for you.
Either way sending you a big IVY and lots of hugs. Make sure to set aside some of the time when he is back for you to go and have time to yourself. Do you have any kid free time now?
. He has an issue with being told what what to do. I took him out of school when he was in second grade, he was being very disrespectful to the teachers and aides. He matured and I sent him back for third grade. It was rocky to start but he made great progress and by the end of the year was doing very well. He is in 4th grade now and has a classroom that fits his personality perfectly. It is bright and active, they sit in groups (countries) and use exercise balls for chairs. They do physical fitness throughout the day as part of the schedule. His teacher is a great fit, she was a student teacher for his 3rd grade teacher. It is where she learned a lot of her strategies and where he made so much progress. I feel like if he can get through this year it will all work out. He is doing well so far. I'm also worried because they are on a different schedule than we are as far as school. They start earlier and I don't think we would match up, however that is the least of my worries. I could always do school at home on the weekend to catch them up.
. He hasn't even done anything wrong, and I made him feel bad. On the plus side I think I figured out why I am so mad. My parents marriage was not good. They yelled a lot and were both very selfish. It was very every man for himself. I didn't want a marriage like that, I was going to talk out my issues and be selfless (haha, yeah feel free to laugh here). I put myself last from the very beginning. This continued throughout our marriage, until about a year ago when I blew my top. Poor DH had no idea I felt so ignored. I pointed out that me being last was the theme of our marriage/family. He was surprised by everything I pointed out to back it up. He has done better about "remembering I exist" (see, told you I was an *******) and I have tried to express when I was feeling ignored. He has slipped a few times but as a whole it has been better. Even though I had a lot to do with our current situation, I still feel pissed. Maybe that is why i'm pissed? I keep putting myself into situations where I have to suck it up, take one for the team, put myself last. I'm not even that pissed at him, i'm pissed at me. It never occurred to me I would feel this way. This is the best choice for our family, of course it's what we would do. It isn't about me being last, it's about what's right for us right now. That's just not the way I feel, well I guess it is, but it's not all I feel. I didn't see that coming. It was a little bit shocking to discover that was why I was mad.