Mr. Huck and his sister had a couple of bitter arguments before the election and are now unwilling to even speak to each other.
They have always been diametrically opposed about politics and social issues. But they would just squabble about it occasionally in the past. They love each other dearly.
I know this has a little to do with my leaving the RC church, which my SIL sees as political (I don't) and upset her a good deal. She is a staunch Catholic and, increasingly, a staunch conservative Republican.
What would you do, if anything? I know it's not my business but their parents and all other close relatives are dead and their older sister is ill and lives far away. It makes my heart hurt to see them cutting themselves off from the last family they have.
Yes, she has kids and grandchildren. I can't imagine that his nieces and nephews would feel the same way, but it will be extremely awkward for them. We do holidays and birthdays and other family celebrations...and with Christmas just around the corner the mind boggles.
Mr. Huck and his sister had a couple of bitter arguments before the election and are now unwilling to even speak to each other.
They have always been diametrically opposed about politics and social issues. But they would just squabble about it occasionally in the past. They love each other dearly.
I know this has a little to do with my leaving the RC church, which my SIL sees as political (I don't) and upset her a good deal. She is a staunch Catholic and, increasingly, a staunch conservative Republican.
What would you do, if anything? I know it's not my business but their parents and all other close relatives are dead and their older sister is ill and lives far away. It makes my heart hurt to see them cutting themselves off from the last family they have.
The bolded suggests (to me) that Mr. Huck is a staunch Democrat. Is that accurate?
If so, appeal to Mr. Huck to stop being a Snagglepuss and (1) actually love his sister's family, if not her and (2) practice the openness and tolerance that is allegedly a staple of the Democratic party. Be the example of what (he believes) children should see.
__________________
It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
Mr. Huck is progressive inb his political and social views, as am I. So he is more of an anti-Republican than a Democrat.
His sister has said some things that are very hurtful and upsetting in their lack of compassion and concern for social justice, important values for him. So I don't blame him for being distressed by her views and her comments.
He would never hold it against her kids or their children, though. I just mean they will feel awkward about it.
Mr. Huck is progressive inb his political and social views, as am I. So he is more of an anti-Republican than a Democrat.
His sister has said some things that are very hurtful and upsetting in their lack of compassion and concern for social justice, important values for him. So I don't blame him for being distressed by her views and her comments.
He would never hold it against her kids or their children, though. I just mean they will feel awkward about it.
And Mr. Huck can be the bigger person and a solid example to the House of SIL as to what not to become. I'm certain that whatever SIL said to him, she also said around her own family.
Regarding the bolded -- you do realize the progressives these days are Republicans, yes? Pro-free speech, pro-right to work, pro-freedom of choice in what we eat and which health care we choose....
__________________
It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
Mr. Huck and his sister had a couple of bitter arguments before the election and are now unwilling to even speak to each other.
They have always been diametrically opposed about politics and social issues. But they would just squabble about it occasionally in the past. They love each other dearly.
I know this has a little to do with my leaving the RC church, which my SIL sees as political (I don't) and upset her a good deal. She is a staunch Catholic and, increasingly, a staunch conservative Republican.
What would you do, if anything? I know it's not my business but their parents and all other close relatives are dead and their older sister is ill and lives far away. It makes my heart hurt to see them cutting themselves off from the last family they have.
The bolded suggests (to me) that Mr. Huck is a staunch Democrat. Is that accurate?
If so, appeal to Mr. Huck to stop being a Snagglepuss and (1) actually love his sister's family, if not her and (2) practice the openness and tolerance that is allegedly a staple of the Democratic party. Be the example of what (he believes) children should see.
This type of argument, which seems to be used increasingly by conservatives these days, has become a real pet peeve of mine. "Tolerance" is a pretty nebulous concept which can be twisted to mean pretty much anything-you should tolerate bigotry, you should tolerate mistreatment, you should tolerate injustice, etc. I think conservatives misrepresent liberal social values in order to make these sorts of arguments. But, this thread was not actually started as a political discussion and I don't want to have one.
-- Edited by Cactus on Friday 9th of November 2012 11:37:29 AM
Mr. Huck is progressive inb his political and social views, as am I. So he is more of an anti-Republican than a Democrat.
His sister has said some things that are very hurtful and upsetting in their lack of compassion and concern for social justice, important values for him. So I don't blame him for being distressed by her views and her comments.
He would never hold it against her kids or their children, though. I just mean they will feel awkward about it.
And Mr. Huck can be the bigger person and a solid example to the House of SIL as to what not to become. I'm certain that whatever SIL said to him, she also said around her own family.
Regarding the bolded -- you do realize the progressives these days are Republicans, yes? Pro-free speech, pro-right to work, pro-freedom of choice in what we eat and which health care we choose....
I can't help but feel that your responses here are pushing your own agenda more than answering the questions asked.
Huckleberry, if this happened around the election it was very recent. Do you think there's any chance the acrimony will fade a bit with time? I don't think there's much you can do to push for a reconciliation. And as the split seems to have mutual, the reconciliation would have to be as well.
Cactus, I completely agree that tolerance is a nebulous concept used to justify all kinds of inanity. Thank you!
Point is Huckleberry, DH is the only individual you can influence in this picture. Gently encourage him to be the bigger person. If SIL is as vile as he claims, the difference will be apparent to SIL's family.
__________________
It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
huckleberry, I would just say what you have said here-it's not your business but you are heartbroken to think of them losing their only remaining family. You can express your thoughts and feelings without pushing him. Sometimes people lose sight of what is at stake in these heated conflicts but maybe after some time has passed they will reconsider and reflect on how much they value each other and their relationship.
Thanks all. I actually do have some hope that this will resolve but it will take some time. Mr. Huck mentioned something that he would like to have shared with his sister, then said he didn't call her because after the election it would seem like gloating or words to that effect. So I think he is missing her and considering her feelings, both good signs IMO.
PB, I promise to never think that your well-considered political and social views are going to change because a random lady on the internet tosses a partisan slogan at you--if you will show me the same respect.
Also, Mr. Huck does not think and has not said that his sister is "vile" or anything like that. It is not the sort of thing he would ever say or think. He is hurt and angry, not hateful.
I also realized that her bringing up the issue of my leaving the church made him angrier than he would have been otherwise.
Huck I think only time will heal this wound. Why is leaving the church an issue for her? I would think that is none of her business and between you and your DH.
I was curious how a party that doesn't support gay rights and thinks women should not have control over their own bodies as progressive...:/ It feels more like they want us to take a step back 50 yrs or more...
Two years ago, no major party supported gay rights.
Anyway, I guess I can ask in return, how pro-choice are "progressives"?
ETA: Huckleberry, I'm not trying to change your mind here either. I just put this out here for NANN and for the sake of open-mindedness.
-- Edited by Papa Bear on Saturday 10th of November 2012 06:13:19 PM
__________________
It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
42 it is her business in a lot of ways. She is very active in her parish (which is in the next town to ours) and I was fairly active in my RC church, so our paths crossed quite a bit in church work. In fact we worked together starting up a couple of ministries and my SIL is still doing those things. So naturally she feels awkward and if you are a member of a church community I expect you can imagine how much gossip and how many questions she has had to deal with about it. Not to mention that many family events have revolved around church/sacramental events so I certainly felt she was owed an explanation and is affected by my leaving.
But the comments she made to Mr. Huck about it were to the effect that I did because of my misguided political views and that I have been a bad influence on him politically and religiously.
So I completely understand why he's angry about those words, but feel bad about contributing to this mess in a way.
And yes, I do think time may bring them back to their senses. But we never know how much time we have, KWIM?
Thanks all. I actually do have some hope that this will resolve but it will take some time. Mr. Huck mentioned something that he would like to have shared with his sister, then said he didn't call her because after the election it would seem like gloating or words to that effect. So I think he is missing her and considering her feelings, both good signs IMO.
PB, I promise to never think that your well-considered political and social views are going to change because a random lady on the internet tosses a partisan slogan at you--if you will show me the same respect.
Also, Mr. Huck does not think and has not said that his sister is "vile" or anything like that. It is not the sort of thing he would ever say or think. He is hurt and angry, not hateful.
I also realized that her bringing up the issue of my leaving the church made him angrier than he would have been otherwise.
I certainly will! I apologize if I let on that any random lady would toss partisan slogans at you.
You did however say that your husband was "progressive" and also "anti-Republican," which I interpret as "day" and also "night." Hence my request for clarification. For example, does he believe in the freedom of choice to work without joining a union? Or is he a bit more "progressive" than that. (Not that I need an answer; that's just where I was going.)
I do wish you luck ironing all this out as the holiday season comes up.
__________________
It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
PB, I think you're meaning to be funny. I was trying to let you know in a light-hearted way that I won't ridicule your views if you won't ridicule my husband's.
Since the subtle approach didn't work, I'll just say that far more eloquent and knowledgeable partisans than you have not transformed me into a Republican, so you are wasting your quotation marks.
I was curious how a party that doesn't support gay rights and thinks women should not have control over their own bodies as progressive...:/ It feels more like they want us to take a step back 50 yrs or more...
What do y'all do for Thanksgiving Huckleberry? Do you usually have a big family dinner that includes her and her family? That one may be a bit frosty or maybe it will help thaw things out completely by Christmas time. Sorry.
I do know it's hard for me to continue being angry with someone (esp family) once I have to be with them.
PB, I think you're meaning to be funny. I was trying to let you know in a light-hearted way that I won't ridicule your views if you won't ridicule my husband's.
Since the subtle approach didn't work, I'll just say that far more eloquent and knowledgeable partisans than you have not transformed me into a Republican, so you are wasting your quotation marks.
Thank you for the kind wishes.
Huckleberry, my intention was never to ridicule or convert anyone. I meant (in all seriousness) that "progressive anti-Republican" is an an oxymoron.
I again (again) wish the best for everyone in your family.
__________________
It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
We do Thanksgiving with my family, NANN, though we usually see SIL over the Thanksgiving weekend at some point.
You're right, it might be better if they had no choice but to meet over the turkey platter.
I don't know. I know it is for me. I will say I have an extremely hard time staying mad at family, so when I'm forced to spend time with them it gets easier because I remember all the stuff they are/done besides whatever they may have made me mad over.
Hugs, I hope it's this way for your DH and SIL too. I agree with 42- keep us posted.
ETA: besides..who can stay mad at anyone while in the same room with dressing and gravy and pumpkin pie.
-- Edited by NANN2 on Sunday 11th of November 2012 10:58:21 AM
