Invisapeeps 2.0

huckleberry · Senior Member

Talking to kids about horrors

living revived · Senior Member

http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/14/light/

Great blog post on what she said to her kids. I am thankful that my children are too small to understand any of this. So heartbreaking.

Forty-two · Guru

One day later my kids are already overl-saturated with it and are sick of the texts. tweets. and emails about the subject. Unless a kid is 5 or 6 I don't think it is something they need to be shielded from. If I had a kid older than six I would let him watch the news with the rest of us and just explain what is going on. The kid would take his emotional queues from his parents, if you were the type that was crying all day over this (which I have read many people were) than that might not be a good idea but if you are like my daughter who said this is terrible but where is all of the crying and weaping for those children dying in Syria, Afganastan, etc than just watch it on the news and discuss it with your kids. People may think I am cold but that's just the way we are.

huckleberry · Senior Member

42, I don't think you are cold but Small at age 8, while a tough little girl, is definitely not equal to the images in the newspapers and on tv of terrified children and greiving adults. I know that my own feeling that such images are not only distressing but a terrible invasion of privacy of those kids and families colors my thinking, but at least for my kid (who is I admit maybe more sheltered than most) the full-blown media experience is way too much.

But I will talk to her tonight--because I'm sure she will hear about it from the other kids at church tomorrow as well as at school on Monday--and I will try to be reassuring without bsing her about it.

Cactus · Senior Member

I don't think you are cold either, 42, but it also sounds like your kids are able to handle this.
I'm sure this largely depends on the sensitivity of the individual child. And I think many relatively sheltered children (as well as adults) can probably on an intellectual level put this in context and in proportion to the things that have happened throughout history and continue to happen in this world, but still be viscerally disturbed by the images and reports they see and hear.
It can also be hard to predict what will frighten and disturb kids. It's not always the most obvious thing. They might have all the information and still be disturbed by a particular stray image or sound bite.

I don't have children. I really feel for those of you that do. I wouldn't know how to begin to explain such tragedies (not just this one obviously ) to very young children or how to balance different approaches and goals.

huckleberry · Senior Member

I did talk to her, told her what had happened in the most basic way and then answered her questions. She wanted to know if kids had actually been killed and if anyone survived. I told her that she was safe because now that such an awful thing had happened everyone would be even more careful to keep them safe.

She went away for a while and then came back and asked whether the man's mind was like the hoarder (the man who had hundreds of birds flying free, Small has been helping with the rescue of the survivors) only much worse.

I wish I could have thought of something better but I guess there's no way to make this easy to understand or not frightening.

Papa Bear · Senior Member

DD6 doesn't know. She may not know for some time (depending on how her teacher handles it).

I took the initiative with DD10 and 13 to lay out the facts. And by facts I mean 1) here's what happened and 2) it would be nice if you didn't discuss this in front of DD6. At least not till after Xmas.

The reason I made a point to tell the older two immediately was to stanch any gossip before it started. Like 42 said, with whatever texts and (in DD13's case) FB postings going around, it was important to me to define the story for them instead of letting whatever rumor mill define it. That was my policy anyway with long-term matters like sex and drugs, but it absolutely fit here.

dqm either · Don't Quote Me

I've never had a TV while raising my kids so watching the news never became a tradition in our household. We still get news of course from the internet and other sources. We just aren't bombarded with it in sight, sound and seemingly endless repetition. That's the thing that I hate about the news. They keep saying it over and over and over and it's like the tragedy happened 50 times. I can't stand that.

It makes it 50 times worse. My girls already knew about before they got home and while they thought it was sad, they were more interested in snack.

Evil Stepmother · Guru

Our EAP sent me some information to share with our employees. In case you are interested:

The American Academy of Pediatrics on School Shootings

University of Minnesota on Talking to Kids About Violence Against Kids

National Association of School Psychologists on Talking to Children About Violence

What I consider to be one of the best articles on talking to children about death (by Hospice)

Explaining the news to our kids from Common Sense Media.

I hope the links work.