Good luck with the homeschooling - I hope it makes a big difference! I really like that you can bank homework -- everyone gets the flu etc, you'll not have that hanging over your head.
This was never meant to be a 'punishment'. My only concern is that my daughter master the material and pass 8th grade with marks that place her appropriately in HS. She was passing everything (some barely) but I doubt that she'd get the AP classes despite the fact that she's GATE.
As I was saying this wasn't supposed to be a punishment but I had no idea that my daughter would LIKE it so much. She's the youngest of four and a social butterfly. I thought 'threatening' to home school her would be like putting her in jail but she's lovin' it.
I outlined our schedule to her and told her what subjects we'd be doing and on what days. Then I gave her the option of choosing the order in which we do them. To my surprise she came up with this schedule and with some very sound reasoning behind it:
M,W- Language Arts, Algebra, Spanish, Gym -- Because I want to start with right brain learning on Monday and end with endorphins and we have to go to the gym last so we get the full 90 minutes.
T,T- Science, History, Literature, Piano -- Because I should start with left brain on the other days and end with the most fun thing.
Friday - Language Arts, Algebra, History, Science -- Rather than do all 7 classes for 45 minutes on Fridays she suggested that we do 90 minutes in all the core classes with Science last in case we need to go to the school to use the lab.
Saturday - Tests for the week, Spanish, Piano, Gym, prep for next week
Me - HUH?! You want to have school on Saturday?! Her - Yeah what? We can do as much as we want. Me -
I like her ideas and I'm surprised about her enthusiam. Kinda wish I'd've thought of some of these things myself. The Saturday thing we compromised on and we will work every other Saturday or only as needed.
There's usually no one here on the weekends so I guess I'll catch you guys when I can. Thanks for all the good luck wishes. I have a feeling that she's going to qualify for the AP classes easily.
Aardvark,
One of those calls was someone from the program I'm in. She was supposed to call me to let me know that by choosing this program my daughter is still eligible for all the public school programs. Which means that she still takes the standardized tests, she still gets to go on the GATE field trips, she can still participate in all the school field trips and activities.
The other lady was trying to recruit me into her program. I'm sure that it's a good program and it might have been a good fit for us if we had started at the beginning of the year. It's kind of a compliment when the different programs are trying to get you to join them because they want good scores therefore they want good candidates in their program. I'm surprised I didn't get a call from the other school. I would have declined anyway but I wonder if they didn't know about us or if they didn't want us? Oh well. I'm happy so it doesn't matter.
I'm glad things are going well dqm. It sounds like you are in a good program that fits your needs. I hope this all works out and she is able to meet your goal of public high school.
Oh, and I am around on weekends but no one else is here and if I talk to myself it just looks crazy.
-- Edited by Mom of half a dozen on Tuesday 5th of February 2013 06:39:04 PM
So no beating around the bush. I needed to come back here to go back through my old posts.
I'm not getting into all the details right now because there are a freaking LOT of them but the quick rundown is that there is a rumor going around that the reason I removed #4 from public school is because she was raped.
This rumor has been going around since at least this past Saturday possibly longer. We were only able to track it back to Saturday.
I needed to come back here and look up the date I posted about her coming home late and with the black eye. She said she got hit in the face with a snowball that was mostly ice.
#4 was already in bed by the time I got back from talking to the Mom who called me about this so I haven't talked to her or asked her anything. Her father didn't come to the meeting so I had to go over all of it with him again.
There are tons of stuff that don't make sense like I said too many details but then at the same time it makes no sense to me that my daughter who has always been bright and good in school has lately been so enthusiastic when we work at home but was less than mediocre when she's out of my sight and lying and sneaking around.
So tomorrow I have to schedule a physical, talk to #4 about if this really happened, what exactly happened and when and then I need to figure out what to do next.
Of course my first biggest prayer is that the girl we traced this back to just doesn't like my daughter and is making up a lie. I know sometimes 13 year olds don't think first before they say and do things so maybe it's that.
ACn't sleep... more writingl
I've been wracking my brain to try to figure out what's wrong with my kid and doing my best to fix it. I gave her zero sympathy the day she came home with the black eye. I can understand if this happened why she wouldn't tell me or her Dad but I'm having a hard time believing that she would tell the girl who we traced this back to before she would tell one of her sisters. My girls are CLOSE. They share everything. The fact that she didn't tell one of her sisters is what I'm holding on to that this didn't really happen. Either that or maybe it was kids experimenting and it was consentual but the black eye makes me lose hope about that.
I wish I'd've taken a picture of the eye. I was going to. I was gnign to post it here out of frustration and exasperttion to show you guys what I was going thru with her. Yeah what I was going through. You guys remember how I was that weekend. I was upset with her and grounded her. I don't know for sure that it happened or if it did if that's when it happend but if it did happene and if that's when it happened I feel like **** for how I gave her no sympathy or compassion I couldn't have known but I wasn't even sympathetic not even for the bruise I DID see.
I can't sleep but I can't write anymore either.
I don't even know what kind of exam to ask for. I know this didn't happen recently. She hasn't been out of fmy site in almost two weeks. I'm not sure if they let the Mom for this at age 13???? Also, I can't remember is she had her period last month! Why can't I remember that? I can remember #3's but I can't remember #4's. I was never very regular when I was her age so I don't bother keeping track but for ****sake my memory isn't helping me at all right now. If I had to guess I'm saying no based on restocking supplies. So I guess I do know what to ask for. Pregnancy test. For my 13 year old. Thirteen. How recently was it that I was bitching that she wasn't turning in her current events. Can somebody please take me back to that.
-- Edited by dqm either on Friday 8th of February 2013 03:30:07 AM
Prayers for your daughter and you, dqm. Hoping that the rumor is untrue and all you are dealing with is a rebellious teenager. So sorry you are even having to think about this.
If there's anything 'good' about this situation it's that it happened over the weekend. That means I have to wait a couple more days to make a final decision about how to handle it all.
I don't mind writing this entire saga out but #4 has the computer so I'm on my nook. It's not as easy to type from but I have to get this out.
It might seem like I overshare pn here but you have no idea how I felt trying to wrack my brain and come up with a WHEN this could have happened. I couldn't remember the day she came home with the black eye but I did remember writing it hereand sure enough it was preseved. Thankfully that really was from getting hit in the face with a clump of ice. She's 5 inches taller and probably 20lbs heavier than the boy who tagged her but good. It was an accident and there were plenty of witnesses as there was a gang of them playing king of the hill and ice wars.
But before I get into all that #4 insists that she wasn't raped and that she never told anybody that she was. Of course I want to believe her right but at the same time I'm gonna doubt. I still don't have proof one way or another but the thing she said next made me believe her and almost laugh out loud. She said 'Mamma, I swear to you I wasn't raped and if I was I wouldn't tell a 7th grader!'
Please allow me to laugh now because that wasn't the time for it and **** is about to get real on Monday but for right this moment I need to laugh about the absurdity of being a teenager.
Anyway I am very happy to report that we had to postpone the full physical exam due to the fact that she is not pregnant.
Hopefully we get to the bottom of this before I need to put her through that.
This is where there's nothing funny left in the story. As I said before we traced this back to it's origin. The girl, Marla, told her mother that #4 told her three weeks ago on a Saturday (I can prove that part is a lie, at least the date anyway) that she had been raped and swore her to secrecy. Marla supposedly waited a week and then told her mother but no one else (we can prove that lie as well). This is where it gets really bad:
Let me first inject that Marla and #4 are 'friends' only in the sense that we are all 'friendly'. She's never been to our house, nor invited to bday parties or anything overtly friendly. I know her mother in passing if that. They are not members of our church but everyone in this town knows everyone else so it would have taken her all of two minutes to get my number or contact me on FB orany number of things other than what she did.
What did she do? When her daughter confided in her (lied to her?) about what my daughter said -- let me stop for one second and inject that it is possible that my daughter did SAY that and I can't prove she didn't, I can only prove that she didn't say it when the girl claims she said it. Back to the Mom-- rather than take two minutes to look me up she calls a mutual friend and tells her. She knows that we are friends because she's seen me on the mutual friend's fb page which pisses me off to no end because she that tells me she could have contacted me immediately had been concerned about my child rather than spreading gossip.
But no, she calls this mutual friend (I'm not fb friends with Lisa) who unbeknowst to her is my husband's sister. I'm not 100% sure if the woman called her that day or if she waited a day or a week or what but can you imagine my anger that I just heard about this and i supposedly happened three weeks ago and adults have known for two weeks?!
So I called Lisa today to get her side of the story. I wanted to know exactly what was said to her by her daughter and when. I also asked her why she didn't call me right away. Her lame assed excuse was it's because she doesn't know me.
*me thinking not saying* -bitch, you know who I am enough to recognize me on fb and go gossiping to my friends. My phone number and e-mail are both on there or you could have sent me a PM. If technology is too hard for you you could have written me a f@ckin letter through the school and it would have gotten to me sooner.
I don't know why it wouldn't let me post anymore but anyway what I did say to Lisa
-You should have contacted me anyway. That would have been the right thing to do. -Well, I knew that you and Cher were friends and ... -I have alot of friends. How many more of my friends have you been calling about this? -Oh my God none, I swear! It's not like that. As *her job description* I'm a mandated reporter and you have to know that I would never... - But you did. -I know but since this was through my daughter it was personal. Had it been through my job I would have had to go straight to CPS. -I'm also a mandated reporter. I'm a sworn officer of the courts and you and I both know that mandated reporting doesn't mean gossiping around town.
After that a bunch of points were basically repeated and we got no where but I did tell her that I'm not surprised that her daughter is spreading rumorswith the terrible example that she's setting.
What I didn't say is that I'm calling the school, her boss and my Director on Monday.
I want both her and her daughter reprimanded for spreading rumors.
Well I forgot there was no school yesterday because of the holiday so the meeting with the school had to be today. #4 is in with the counselor right now and I'm waiting in the library. Marla goes in next as soon as her Mom gets here.
I also called Lisa's employer and registered a complaint. I haven't heard back from them yet. She works in the county mental health department and what she did could end up getting her fired or severely damage her career.
It's funny, (not funny but you know what I mean) I had a meeting first thing this morning with the school administrator to explain what happened and request the counseling sessions. During the meeting the administrator was using the 'nuetral face' we're trained to use. I recognize the technique. When I told her how I came to hear of this and what Lisa said about how she ~had~ to tell the other mom because of her mandatory reporter status the administrator's mask slipped so far that she had to stop me, apologize for her reaction and pick up her note pad so she could regain her composure.
I said 'don't apologize, I'm the mother. Imagine how I felt.' She said
-I am imagining. And just so you know. That is the exact opposite of what a mandatory reporter should do.
I'm getting a file opened through the counseling program in the school and then I'm taking the file to Lisa's employer if they don't bother calling me back.
The little girl Marla didn't have her meeting until the next day. The counselor said that she wouldn't be able to tell me anything the girl said because the meetings were confidential and I assured her that I was ok with that BUT I wanted to know if she ended up recanting her story.
The counselor said she was fine with revealing that much.
Turns out that the girl did not recant and there will be no disciplinary action because she claims she told no one but her mother.
There is a zero tolerance for bullying and spreading lies about people but they're not reprimanding her because they don't want to discourage anyone from coming forward if there ever was a real tragedy.
The counselor said even though she can't say anything about Marla's session she can tell me that she believed #4 on both counts. 1. She wasn't raped. 2. She never told Marla that she was.
So this whole thing boiled down to our turn to be sent through the small town rumor mill. I decided not to subject my kid to a sexual assault exam on the word of a girl that I know to be a liar. My kid has nothing to prove and shouldn't have to go through an exam to prove her virginity. That's bull****. Start down that road and someone could make up the same lie about her again next month and the month after that.
The mom's job never got back to me though so I'm getting a written incident report and meeting with her supervisor next week.
The meeting with Lisa's supervisor this morning ended with the supervisor saying that because Lisa did this outside of her job that she as the supervisor has nothing to put in her file but that she can assure me that Lisa will never do this again because of the amount of "heat" (her words) I have put on the situation.
I insisted on a written incident report and her supervisor refused. I would have been ok with a "I've spoken to her and made a note in her file" but the supervisor kept trying to make out like I'm the one with the problem and saying that Lisa had good intentions and that's what I should concentrate on.
Nope, what I'm concentrating on is the fact that her employee is gossiping about me and when I confronted her about it she used her job description as justification.
Since the supervisor refused to make a report I called my Director because I know that he is also on the Board of Directors for Mental Health Services.
He said that Lisa didn't do anything illegal but that doesn't mean what she did was right and that he takes my complaint seriously. He said that I can write up my own complaint and turn it in to him. He's allowing the Case Manager that I normally work with some time tomorrow to review it before I submit it to him.
I was hoping to be done with this today but tomorrow is the end of it. I can't go any higher than the Board of Directors for her agency.
I'm going on vacation and it'll be a month before I'm back so I won't know what -- if anything -- will happen next with this but one thing the supervisor got right is I am assured that Lisa won't ever do this again. And since her own boss feels that a report should have been taken (evidenced by the fact that he's taking it himself) I think Lisa's supervisor will probably do things differently next time as well.
Edited to Add:
February is already the shortest month of the year. It is such a bad idea to have -two- three day weekends this month!
-- Edited by dqm either on Tuesday 19th of February 2013 02:09:25 PM
I still haven't decided what name to give this as it started out being about homeschooling and turned into a rape rumor saga. I have no idea how to reconcile those two topics.
There's been some updates: 1. I waited until I got back from my trip before turning in my letter to the Board of Directors of Lisa's job but they were expecting it because I'd already given a copy to one of the members who is also the Director of the agency that I work for. I don't know that anything happened to her except that every single one of her bosses (and their bosses) all know what she did. They all seem to agree that it wasn't right but at the same time it wasn't against any rule. My Director sent me a letter saying that in the very near future they are going to be looking more closely at that policy and he wants my input.
2. I gave my SIL the cut direct. It doesn't bother me that much because quite frankly I don't like her that much anyway plus my husband totally supports me but the problem is she is the caretaker for one of our really good friends. They sort of come as a package and I miss him. Thankfully my SIL doesn't go to my church so I see my friend on Sundays but socializing not so much.
Also, I promplty unfriended her on FB as did three of my four daughters but I just found out my oldest daughter didn't and based on a comment I *think she's inviting her to the wedding. I'm looking into the ruling that the MOB gets one guest VETO and I'm willing to use it on her except that Bruce might not be able to come if she doesn't come.
My SIL is related to me twice. Husband's sister Brother's Baby Mamma
We also live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone so we are in the same social circles. I think that --she thinks-- that this means that she can do anything she wants and I have to just get over it.
Sorry no. If I found out (or even suspected) that her daughter was being raped there is no way in hell I'd wait a week to tell her or my brother or the cops or cps. The fact that she waited that long tells me that she doesn't care about my daughter and doesn't need to be in her life. I have no use for anyone that would with hold help from my (any) child in a rape situation or anything that put them or others in danger.
Of course there is 25 years worth of back story but I'm so done with her.
I think you made the right choice. I'm sorry this is going to make it harder to see your friend. Is she still with your brother? Will you be able to see your niece/nephew? I hope she doesn't try to cause more problems for you dqm.
Yeah harder to visit with my friend and my niece too of course but I rarely see her as it is even though we live in the same town.
My SIL and brother were never married. My brother lives 5 hours away and they do the e/o weekend, summers and holiday type custody.
The very sad thing about my relationship with my SIL is that she's been jealous of me since the day she met me.
Trust me, it's not because I'm anything great because I met her when I was just a kid. Her jealousy stemmed not from me but really from her brother. She wants a guy to love her the way her brother loves me and she's been taking that sh!t out on me my entire life.
I guess she errouneously thought that marrying my brother would give her what she wanted. The only problem is my brother never wanted to marry her plus my brother is an ass and does not love her the way her brother loves me.
Guess who got blamed for that. As if it makes a lick of sense to blame that on me! I never told her to hook up with my brother. With the exception of my niece I'd just as soon they never did because their problems caused us problems.
At one point we (the two sibling pairs) used to live in the same town. Thirteen years ago her attitude and their relationship became so toxic that we moved 5 hours away just to get away from all the bullsh!t. Then she freaking followed us! Now we live in the same town with her again.
The thing is she went through a recovery program and got off the drugs and goes to church and has a job and quit stealing from people so everyone allowed her back in their lives.
And now this.
It pisses me off to no end because you have to wonder WHY someone would do such a thing and I know it's because she has this life long contempt for me. Silly me thought that was over. I mean she's in her 50's fgs! It's almost like she would be happy if the most horrible thing imaginable would happen to my daughter so she can bathe in my misery. I feel like she wanted it to be true and she held off telling so that things would be worse for my daughter like maybe an abortion or being a 14 year old mother.
It's certainly not like she would fight like an animal to protect my daughter the way I would fight for hers. If anyone would DARE hurt my niece they better watch their back, front, side and sleep with one eye open because I would serioulsy hurt them.
Yet if anyone would dare hurt her niece she'd give them a free reign to keep doing it for a week before she bothered to even mention it. F*ck her!
Don't worry about her causing problems for me because I'm not giving her the opportunity. I'm done. This time she doesn't even have drugs to blame for her ****tiness so there's no rehab for this.
I've washed my hands of all her crap.
*debating on if I want to delete this thread or not
-- Edited by dqm either on Friday 24th of May 2013 12:11:48 AM
so I guess I'll catch you guys when I can. Thanks for all the good luck wishes. I have a feeling that she's going to qualify for the AP classes easily.
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