Invisapeeps 2.0

Forty-two · Guru

Thank goodness I travel

ana · Senior Member

Not have any? wink

OpheliaDev1 · Guru

LOL. Not a mom here, but I think it really helps to give yourself frequent breaks so you don't burn out. That's true of anything that's demanding. My sister will call and ask me or my mom to pick up Nephew to spend the night with us, or even just an afternoon or a morning on the weekend. Just a few hours for her to be able to get things done, or just take a nap, I think does her a world of good.

If a parent regularly feel overwhelmed and exhausted, then they and their spouse need to re-evaluate how they do things, and make some changes.

Like in 42's case, she has an au pair to help with caregiving so she's not burnt out and she can fully focus on her work during her working hours.

ana · Senior Member

Both my sisters would call me and drop off their kids for the weekend. My best friend asked me a couple of times too.

My rule was they had to drop them off and pick them up. For my younger sister that meant 3 hours of driving, which she did happily!

Forty-two · Guru

Yeah a nice weekend trip where I don't have to cook or play with TB or chauffeur anyone around is a great thing even if I am not going anywhere particularly nice

Balloon Animal · Guru

Send them to my mom's house for the weekend or a couple days

living revived · Senior Member

I go park my butt at Starbucks with my laptop every two weeks for a couple hours.

I wish I had someone to leave my rugrats with overnight.

My parents can't keep up with them, MIL has major health issues, and no one wants to manage their food allergies.

Balloon Animal · Guru

I know where you are coming from Living. I trust my mom to handle the food allergies, but that is about it. I don't trust my father or their great grandparents or aunts or uncles or their friend's parents, etc. Some of their friend's parents are good about it, but some are not.

If I lived near you, I would let them come pow wow slumber party with my kids so you could have a night out and you know I know about the food allergy mess.

ana · Senior Member

living revived wrote:
I go park my butt at Starbucks with my laptop every two weeks for a couple hours.

I wish I had someone to leave my rugrats with overnight. My parents can't keep up with them, MIL has major health issues, and no one wants to manage their food allergies.

That's why my sister trusted me. She knew I could manage my nephew's allergies. It can be tough! She wouldn't leave them with the ILs. My 3 yo nephew would have to tell his grandfather that he couldn't have stuff. It was unbelievable!

The first weekend, I admit, I was scared! Since his was an anaphylactic one. (peanuts)

Aardvark · But my mom says I'm cool!

I have never been away from AB overnight, but I do get time for myself to go out for a few hours every week or so. This summer, PM is going to take AB up to PITAMIL's for a few days so I can have the house to myself.

Forty-two · Guru

Aardvark how old is AB?

Aardvark · But my mom says I'm cool!

He is 2 1/2.

OpheliaDev1 · Guru

living revived wrote:
I go park my butt at Starbucks with my laptop every two weeks for a couple hours.

I wish I had someone to leave my rugrats with overnight. My parents can't keep up with them, MIL has major health issues, and no one wants to manage their food allergies.

Wow, that would be tough. Would it be possible to find somebody who'd be willing to stay in your house? I wouldn't be willing to have a small child with severe food allergies in my house b/c we are in no way, shape or form a nut-free zone. But I would be willing to care for the child in the child's own home.

Forty-two · Guru

I know that if I could not get away from my kids for a few days as early as four months old I would have sunken into deep deep depression. In fact if I new that was a possibility I would not have had kids

Balloon Animal · Guru

The unfortunate part is you don't know often before hand when having kids that you are going to have a child with food allergies or autism or down syndrome or cerebal palsy. So when you have kids if you think well I can get family members and friends and neighbors and sitters to watch them, and then when you have a kid with special needs you realize really quickly that won't go as you thought it would. None of my friends ever offer to watch my kids. I offer to watch their kids. But they don't want to deal with the food allergies or autism.

Then I got family members that could potentially babysit, but they don't wanna deal with the special needs or I don't trust them with the special needs. I got a wake up call the other day when my father was spending the night. All he had to do was powwow sleep over in the living room with the kids on air mattresses. I had a movie on. They were fed, in pjs, teeth brushed, etc. So all he had to do was just watch movies with them and spend time with them. Then DH and I went out for a couple hours. I thought it would be fine. I mean that is pretty easy. Nope. He ****ed it up. Robot was acting up and instead of handling it appropriately my saying "Okay time for bed since you are acting up and being crabby" which is what a sane person would have done since it was past his bedtime. He decides to spank him and put him in his room for time out and then Robot proceeds to trash his room. So guess who gets to pick it up when I get back? I was also livid because he does not have permission to spank him. He lectured me over and over about spanking them too much and then he goes and does it. When a spanking was not appropriate. The appropriate thing was just to say okay bed time. So now, I just lost the small amount of babysitting I trusted him with. He will never be left alone with them again.

So anyway long rant to say: You can't always predict or guess what will happen once the kids get here. You have to roll with the reality.

-- Edited by Balloon Animal on Thursday 8th of May 2014 12:27:41 PM

Forty-two · Guru

Good points BA. Particularly about not knowing you would have a food allergy or autistic child (i would not have a Downs child) Unless my spouse died I would leave my kids with my husband.

living revived · Senior Member

Yeah, DS has Asperger's on top of the food allergies. Jury is still out on DD, but she has some delays and sensory issues that are becoming more visible now that she's 3. They're a handful.

Ophelia, most people won't do an overnight here. Most of them have their own kids, and the older teens work. I have a handful of people that will watch them if we're in a bind no matter what, but it's at their house.

I don't trust my sister with my kids, for various reasons. Maybe for an hour or two, but that's the absolute limit to my comfort zone with her. And she lives several hours away. My brother, I'd trust (we're actually leaving the kids with him if we both die, with a significant life insurance policy) but he works two restaurant jobs on top of being in grad school and doesn't have that kind of money or time off to come watch them for a weekend.

ana · Senior Member

That's what most women should do 42. After all, the father is a parent as well. There is no earthly reason that a father cannot watch his own child to give the mother a break once in a while.

Forty-two · Guru

Ana I would not reproduce with a man that would not watch his kids as much as I do. I am all about equity. I would build up a lot of pent up resentment if he did not.

ana · Senior Member

Exactly! I think we have an unequal division of household work because women allow it. When dh and I moved in together, I let him know I was NOT his mother and I would not be taking on all the household chores!

I know quite a few women that won't/don't trust their husband with their children. WTF is that? He was good enough to have a child with but you don't trust him with said child?

Forty-two · Guru

I don't know anyone in this day and age who doesn't trust their husband with their children that doesn't make a darned bit of sense. Are the kids tied to their mother's hip?

living revived · Senior Member

I trust my DH with my kids, but it may not be the best thing for their mental health. Any of them. :P In all seriousness, he doesn't have a ton of patience for this age, which means he yells, which freaks DS out in a bad way (loud noises + autism = bad, at least around our house). He also works a crap-ton of hours, while I only work mornings for a few hours and homeschool + wrangle children in the afternoon. He is more than willing to take them on whenever I need him to, but logistics are difficult when he's gone from the house 10-12+ hours a day frequently. He's also working on the patience and yelling, and has improved greatly, but good God these kids can be a pain.

Balloon Animal · Guru

DH did not do good with the baby age. He was not super willing to watch any of them at baby age. Once they are 2+ he is way more willing to watch them. Now he gives me no trouble about watching them. He really only wants to watch them at home though. He won't say pack them all up and go to Chuck E Cheese typically. Which is fine. I think he doubts his skills with stuff like that. If he does take them somewhere it involves me having to tell him every little thing to do. But he is a very involved father at home with helping me with them. Always has been.

-- Edited by Balloon Animal on Friday 9th of May 2014 07:01:59 AM

OpheliaDev1 · Guru

"That's what most women should do 42. After all, the father is a parent as well. There is no earthly reason that a father cannot watch his own child to give the mother a break once in a while. "

I think that the "once in a while" may be part of the issue. If mom does 95% of the parenting, then of course dad is going to feel overwhelmed when he's on his own. Because he's just not used to it. But if the parenting is more 50/50 then dad is going to be more confident and know what to do. If dad is used to mom swooping in to handle it whenever the baby gets fussy or falls down, then of course him being by himself with the kids will seem like A Big Deal.

"Ana I would not reproduce with a man that would not watch his kids as much as I do. I am all about equity. I would build up a lot of pent up resentment if he did not."

Yes yes yes yes yes! My sister is currently getting divorced. She married a guy with 2 kids from his first marriage. She watched him sit on his butt and do NOTHING with those kids. He would forget to feed them, and they ask them, "Well, why didn't you tell me you were hungry?" Well DUH moron, most folks eat lunch about noon. So, my sister and he have a child and of course he continues to sit on his butt. For example, she'd ask him to change the baby's diaper when she was in the middle of something...then an hour later, baby still isn't changed but he's "about to do it."

ana · Senior Member

You have a good point OD. The once in a while was doing it on their own to give mom a break. So many husbands can't even do that! The not comfortable with babies is a crock too BA. Most women aren't comfortable. They got that way by doing it. Your dh should have been more hands on while you were there so that he did feel comfortable when he was alone.

And what gives a father the balls to say that he wasn't good with the baby stage! All kids come out as babies!

Aardvark · But my mom says I'm cool!

Forty-two wrote:
I don't know anyone in this day and age who doesn't trust their husband with their children that doesn't make a darned bit of sense. Are the kids tied to their mother's hip?

Some women are control freaks!

I don't worry a bit when PM has AB. No, he might not do things exactly like I would, but hey, different styles won't hurt him!

Balloon Animal · Guru

ana wrote:
You have a good point OD. The once in a while was doing it on their own to give mom a break. So many husbands can't even do that! The not comfortable with babies is a crock too BA. Most women aren't comfortable. They got that way by doing it. Your dh should have been more hands on while you were there so that he did feel comfortable when he was alone.

And what gives a father the balls to say that he wasn't good with the baby stage! All kids come out as babies!

Oh he was super hands on. I was often overwhelmed so he had no choice but to help. But helping me with me there is a lot different than doing it 100% by yourself.

living revived · Senior Member

I would just like to announce that I am parked at Starbucks, and DH is home with the kids.

Forty-two · Guru

Balloon Animal wrote:
ana wrote:
You have a good point OD. The once in a while was doing it on their own to give mom a break. So many husbands can't even do that! The not comfortable with babies is a crock too BA. Most women aren't comfortable. They got that way by doing it. Your dh should have been more hands on while you were there so that he did feel comfortable when he was alone.

And what gives a father the balls to say that he wasn't good with the baby stage! All kids come out as babies!
Oh he was super hands on. I was often overwhelmed so he had no choice but to help. But helping me with me there is a lot different than doing it 100% by yourself.

BA why didn't he ever have to do it by himself? So if you wanted to get away when they were babies why not just get away? Leave the kids with him. Would he not have to learn to deal with babies?When my kids were babies I traveled DH had to just deal with it.

ana · Senior Member

living revived wrote:
I would just like to announce that I am parked at Starbucks, and DH is home with the kids.

Good for you!

living revived · Senior Member

Forty-two wrote:
Balloon Animal wrote:
ana wrote:
You have a good point OD. The once in a while was doing it on their own to give mom a break. So many husbands can't even do that! The not comfortable with babies is a crock too BA. Most women aren't comfortable. They got that way by doing it. Your dh should have been more hands on while you were there so that he did feel comfortable when he was alone.

And what gives a father the balls to say that he wasn't good with the baby stage! All kids come out as babies!
Oh he was super hands on. I was often overwhelmed so he had no choice but to help. But helping me with me there is a lot different than doing it 100% by yourself.
BA why didn't he ever have to do it by himself? So if you wanted to get away when they were babies why not just get away? Leave the kids with him. Would he not have to learn to deal with babies?When my kids were babies I traveled DH had to just deal with it.

I'm not BA, obviously, but I didn't travel alone for fun because we couldn't afford it, and I wasn't in a line of work that was paying for it.

Forty-two · Guru

LR don't you have family or friends where you just want to hang out with them over night? Even if I didn't travel I would get away form the family for a few days and that can be done for almost free.

Balloon Animal · Guru

Forty-two wrote:
Balloon Animal wrote:
ana wrote:
You have a good point OD. The once in a while was doing it on their own to give mom a break. So many husbands can't even do that! The not comfortable with babies is a crock too BA. Most women aren't comfortable. They got that way by doing it. Your dh should have been more hands on while you were there so that he did feel comfortable when he was alone.

And what gives a father the balls to say that he wasn't good with the baby stage! All kids come out as babies!
Oh he was super hands on. I was often overwhelmed so he had no choice but to help. But helping me with me there is a lot different than doing it 100% by yourself.
BA why didn't he ever have to do it by himself? So if you wanted to get away when they were babies why not just get away? Leave the kids with him. Would he not have to learn to deal with babies?When my kids were babies I traveled DH had to just deal with it.

I have never traveled alone. We can't really afford that. For me it was just wanting to go out shopping for a few hours alone or go get a mani pedi or go have dinner with my girlfriends. That is about all I ever ask him to do as far as watching them solo. He does often get up and get them breakfast in the mornings on weekends so I sleep in a bit. But, newborn age overwhelms him and he panics about it so it was hard for me to go out and leave him alone with the baby plus sometimes having an older kid/kids to deal with too. So typically if I wanted to go out I had to wait till all the kids were asleep and then run out late to go shop at Walmart or whatever or I just did not get out a lot. I mean I can't blame him. I found watching all of them alone with zero help overwhelming too. I had no choice but to do it while he was at work but otherwise I did not like doing it either.

Balloon Animal · Guru

Forty-two wrote:
LR don't you have family or friends where you just want to hang out with them over night? Even if I didn't travel I would get away form the family for a few days and that can be done for almost free.

Not really for me. My family only wants me around if I can bring the kids with me. No siblings or cousins my age I party with or anything like that. Friends almost all have kids themselves so not like we can all go party together either.

Now that the kids are older, if DH and I want to do something like that with friends we leave the kids with my mother for the weekend.

42,I think you need to realize your experience at least to me seems not common. None of the moms I know get to travel alone all the time. The only one I know who did was doing it for work. None of them do it for pleasure. They might go on a girls weekend or something like that, but other than that, most moms I know travel with their spouse or their family.

-- Edited by Balloon Animal on Saturday 10th of May 2014 09:35:21 AM

Forty-two · Guru

BA I am not sure what you mean by travel alone all of the time. As an example I have a friend who lives in AZ. If I were sick and tired of the kids I would go and visit her. If I did not have the money I would visit friends here in NJ. I do live on a different planet if spending the night over a girlfriend's without your kids is uncommon, that's a planet I don't wan't to live on

. I never mentioned traveling all of the time.

Balloon Animal · Guru

42, yes, I have NEVER spent the night with a girlfriend since I had kids. DH and I have gone and spent the night with friends or on trips alone a couple times, but I have never done it alone and none of my mom friends that I know of have done so either. I think if I asked them if I could spend the night with them I would get a very very odd look.

-- Edited by Balloon Animal on Saturday 10th of May 2014 03:21:31 PM

Forty-two · Guru

BA you seem to be pointing out spending the night with a girlfriend, what is the difference between that or alone doing anything? The point is not being with the husband or kids. If you are saying you don't know any women who have not spent the night away from the husband or kids than I have to say I am the complete opposite I don't know anyone who hasn't. It seems we are polar opposites.

ETA: BA are most of your friends SAHMs? It is interesting because most SAHMs say that taking care of their family is their job, their work, their occupation, just like my friends the lawyers, doctors, scientists, and business women do. But the working women want to get away from their jobs and take a break it is interesting that your friends never get away from their "job".

-- Edited by Forty-two on Saturday 10th of May 2014 04:46:10 PM

living revived · Senior Member

Forty-two wrote:
LR don't you have family or friends where you just want to hang out with them over night? Even if I didn't travel I would get away form the family for a few days and that can be done for almost free.

I married young (21) and we moved out of the country three months later. My family is a 6-8 hour drive away, as are my friends I left behind. Not to mention, our area was hit hard by the recession while people my age were still in college, so many of them still live at home. I'm the only one married, even after 7 years. My friends here and I all had kids around the same time. None of us could afford to go away (the glamerous life of missionaries ) so we settle for evenings out.

Forty-two · Guru

LR where do you live, i.e. what state? ETA I see you said moved out of the coutry.

-- Edited by Forty-two on Saturday 10th of May 2014 08:35:39 PM

Balloon Animal · Guru

Forty-two wrote:
BA you seem to be pointing out spending the night with a girlfriend, what is the difference between that or alone doing anything? The point is not being with the husband or kids. If you are saying you don't know any women who have not spent the night away from the husband or kids than I have to say I am the complete opposite I don't know anyone who hasn't. It seems we are polar opposites.

ETA: BA are most of your friends SAHMs? It is interesting because most SAHMs say that taking care of their family is their job, their work, their occupation, just like my friends the lawyers, doctors, scientists, and business women do. But the working women want to get away from their jobs and take a break it is interesting that your friends never get away from their "job".

-- Edited by Forty-two on Saturday 10th of May 2014 04:46:10 PM

I have working mom friends and friends who used to be a working mom and now is SAHM and part time working moms and SAHMs. We get breaks but they do not involve spending the night with each other like a sleepover. Now, I do know some moms who go have girls weekends and I get that. But that again costs a lot of money and you need to have someone to watch the kids the whole time and some Dads work weekends or they just can't get away like that for various reasons.

We used to all go out once a month for dinner and that was fun but it fell by the wayside. Now we might get out for dinner once a year for someone's birthday or something. I get breaks but it is usually when DH and I leave the kids with my mom for the weekend so we can go out or relax at home. But I am not alone. DH is there. Or I get a break while they are at school and I go get a mani pedi or meet a friend for lunch. But it does not mean being gone overnight.

Personally unless we are doing some type of girls weekend away or going out to a bar or club, I have no interest in being gone with a girlfriend all night long. I like to sleep in my own bed and don't really know what I would get out of that.

-- Edited by Balloon Animal on Saturday 10th of May 2014 11:01:19 PM

living revived · Senior Member

Forty-two wrote:
LR where do you live, i.e. what state? ETA I see you said moved out of the coutry.

-- Edited by Forty-two on Saturday 10th of May 2014 08:35:39 PM

I used to live in SoCal. I live in Mexico now.

flan327 · Senior Member

Every parent is different (obviously), but I never wanted to leave my kids for that long when they were babies. And later, as a single parent...well, I had to ask so many friends to babysit to cover my work schedule that I hesitated to ask them to give me a break.

flan

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

My Mother has offered to let The 10 Year Old stay with her over a weekend... I'm afraid when we go pick him up he'll be nailed to a cross in the front yard though.

(No, my Mother isn't THAT religious or THAT bad... The 10 Year Old, on the other hand IS sometimes that bad, so bad that a good crucifixion actually seems reasonable...)

Forty-two · Guru

Balloon Animal wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
BA you seem to be pointing out spending the night with a girlfriend, what is the difference between that or alone doing anything? The point is not being with the husband or kids. If you are saying you don't know any women who have not spent the night away from the husband or kids than I have to say I am the complete opposite I don't know anyone who hasn't. It seems we are polar opposites.

ETA: BA are most of your friends SAHMs? It is interesting because most SAHMs say that taking care of their family is their job, their work, their occupation, just like my friends the lawyers, doctors, scientists, and business women do. But the working women want to get away from their jobs and take a break it is interesting that your friends never get away from their "job".

-- Edited by Forty-two on Saturday 10th of May 2014 04:46:10 PM
I have working mom friends and friends who used to be a working mom and now is SAHM and part time working moms and SAHMs. We get breaks but they do not involve spending the night with each other like a sleepover. Now, I do know some moms who go have girls weekends and I get that. But that again costs a lot of money and you need to have someone to watch the kids the whole time and some Dads work weekends or they just can't get away like that for various reasons.
We used to all go out once a month for dinner and that was fun but it fell by the wayside. Now we might get out for dinner once a year for someone's birthday or something. I get breaks but it is usually when DH and I leave the kids with my mom for the weekend so we can go out or relax at home. But I am not alone. DH is there. Or I get a break while they are at school and I go get a mani pedi or meet a friend for lunch. But it does not mean being gone overnight.
Personally unless we are doing some type of girls weekend away or going out to a bar or club, I have no interest in being gone with a girlfriend all night long. I like to sleep in my own bed and don't really know what I would get out of that.

-- Edited by Balloon Animal on Saturday 10th of May 2014 11:01:19 PM

BA you seem to be focusing on the one on one girls sleepover thing. The point I was making was simply getting away from the family for at least overnight. It seems like my desire to do so is unique. I cannot imagine that a person wouldn't but I totally get that people feel differently about it.

I have traveled the world with just one girlfriend and it has been a fabulous experience and I did it while having children. I understand many don't have funds for such a thing but it has made me a happier, more intellectually stimulated, culturally educated, relaxed individual.

ana · Senior Member

I kind of understand what BA is saying. She gets breaks but she doesn't need or want one from her husband. I'm the same. I've traveled without my dh and with my dh. He is a wonderful travel partner. He gets on my nerves less than my sisters :) But, I do different things with my sisters than with him.

So, I enjoy both kinds of travel.

But then, because I don't have children, the only thing I want/need to get away from is work. I know stress builds up in me and I have a much better work/life balance because I was forced to.

Forty-two · Guru

Ana this difference is that you don't have kids. If you want to get away for any significant period of time and you don't have lots of help someone has to watch the kids. So the times I was traveling the world with my friend DH was home with the kids.

living revived · Senior Member

I'd love to run away for a weekend all by myself. Just not in the cards ATM.

genie · Veteran Member

Forty-two wrote:
Balloon Animal wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
BA you seem to be pointing out spending the night with a girlfriend, what is the difference between that or alone doing anything? The point is not being with the husband or kids. If you are saying you don't know any women who have not spent the night away from the husband or kids than I have to say I am the complete opposite I don't know anyone who hasn't. It seems we are polar opposites.

ETA: BA are most of your friends SAHMs? It is interesting because most SAHMs say that taking care of their family is their job, their work, their occupation, just like my friends the lawyers, doctors, scientists, and business women do. But the working women want to get away from their jobs and take a break it is interesting that your friends never get away from their "job".

-- Edited by Forty-two on Saturday 10th of May 2014 04:46:10 PM
I have working mom friends and friends who used to be a working mom and now is SAHM and part time working moms and SAHMs. We get breaks but they do not involve spending the night with each other like a sleepover. Now, I do know some moms who go have girls weekends and I get that. But that again costs a lot of money and you need to have someone to watch the kids the whole time and some Dads work weekends or they just can't get away like that for various reasons.
We used to all go out once a month for dinner and that was fun but it fell by the wayside. Now we might get out for dinner once a year for someone's birthday or something. I get breaks but it is usually when DH and I leave the kids with my mom for the weekend so we can go out or relax at home. But I am not alone. DH is there. Or I get a break while they are at school and I go get a mani pedi or meet a friend for lunch. But it does not mean being gone overnight.
Personally unless we are doing some type of girls weekend away or going out to a bar or club, I have no interest in being gone with a girlfriend all night long. I like to sleep in my own bed and don't really know what I would get out of that.

-- Edited by Balloon Animal on Saturday 10th of May 2014 11:01:19 PM
BA you seem to be focusing on the one on one girls sleepover thing. The point I was making was simply getting away from the family for at least overnight. It seems like my desire to do so is unique. I cannot imagine that a person wouldn't but I totally get that people feel differently about it.
I have traveled the world with just one girlfriend and it has been a fabulous experience and I did it while having children. I understand many don't have funds for such a thing but it has made me a happier, more intellectually stimulated, culturally educated, relaxed individual.

Personal nights/weekends away with girlfriends aren't really a thing in my life. I travel for business, and DH is more than capable of taking care of the kids while I'm gone. But I have a finite amount of time off and I prefer to spend it on family vacations than time away by myself. DH and I have gone on two mini vacations as a couple as well.

Honestly, I've never been invited on a girls weekend, nor have I planned one for any group. I don't have sisters/cousins/aunts/etc. who I would travel with either. I haven't done an overnight with a girlfriend since I was in uni and partying until all hours. I'm old and boring now. ;)

Balloon Animal · Guru

If the funds were there to go on a girls trip and I had girlfriends willing to do it, I would totally be down. But I don't think the funds are there unless it is something cheap and most of my girlfriends work part or full time or have a really hectic life and schedule so it would probably never work. We can barely all manage to get to a restaurant once in a blue moon at the same time without someone not coming last minute because they have a sick kid, or soccer practice ran long or they just don't feel like coming or their husband got off work late. So I kinda gave up on that type of thing happening at least right now in my life.

Balloon Animal · Guru

I have done plenty of clubbing with my girlfriend late at night while DH or a sitter was at home with the kids but at the end of the night I am happy to go home so I can be hungover in the comfort of my own home!

The first real trip I will take solo will be most likely when my grandmothers die I might end up staying in a hotel a couple nights by myself.