I didn't quite get the reason for thinking that giving a child a family name is selfish, to be honest. It seemed as though they thought parents who did this were indulging themselves or trying to make their families happy instead of putting the kid first.
The couple's little girl has a non-family name of which her parents seem very proud. Maybe they were under some pressure to give the baby a family name and this is a defensive reaction? Bit odd, anyway.
ETA: I mentioned this exchange to someone here and was informed that the couple were likely offended because after they told me about spending months deciding on the perfect name, I commented that they must be admirers of Aubrey Beardsley (the little girl's name is Aubrey).
I'm so confused. Did I say something wrong?
-- Edited by huckleberry on Saturday 10th of November 2012 01:30:21 PM
I was talking to a couple who recently had their first child and are planning another about kids' names. They wanted to know how I decided on my kids' names and I explained that they all have family names except for my oldest daughter's middle name.
This couple said they thought giving kids family names was selfish (!), because each child should have his or her very own name.
I said at least I didn't name my son Hezekiah or a daughter Minerva (both names on my side of the family), but they would not let me off the hook.
What say the peeps? How did/would you choose your kids' names? How do you feel about family names?
My son has a family name, i.e. his dads. My daughters have middle names of people close to us in our faimily, DXH's mother's middle name and my sister's middle name. I think family names are wonderful. We often forget family when they die and it is a way of keeping them alive.
Both of my daughters have first names that people may think are boy names but I thought they were pretty. I wanted names that if you were to look at their resumes you could not tell anything about them except for their work qualifiations.
I have family names, first, middle and last. It makes it my name. I didn't really know my gramma Kathryn as she passes when I was a toddler, so I never really had to "share" my name, but I always knew I was named for her. Going through our genealogy, I found lots of us.
I always liked the idea of naming children after people you admire and love. Hopefully, those qualities get passed along.
Huck, I admire your restraint. I would be so tempted, after basically being told I was selfish for using family names for my children, to say, "Just WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?" How rude. I guess you didn't fawn all over their daughter's name enough. (I think it's pretty, but it isn't rare or unusual-points for that, anyway) (and I'm ashamed to say I had to look up Aubrey Beardsley but instantly recognized his work...)
I had a conversation about naming babies with some Jewish friends eons ago and I remember somethink like that. Something about how it's rude to name the baby after a relative if the relative is alive. Or maybe it was if the relative had just died.
Nope, neither of the parents is Jewish. I'm familiar with that custom but am positive that's not the issue. I guess they just think parents who use family names are slackers!
My first name and my sister's first name were after great-grandparents that had already passed but mom liked the names.
My oldest boy has his dad's and my dad's middle name for his middle name but his first was another name that XH and I liked. The youngest has his dad's first name and XH dad's middle name for his middle but again the first name was a common but not family name.
I think naming your child is between you and the child's other parent and no one else should have a real say.
At least Huck you didn't have to go through the crazy discussion we have seen about people saying "you took my baby's name" like we have seen so often on the the other boards.
I was (am) very biased toward standard, common names for DDs. One of them was a family name (on their mother's side) and it fits that DD well, but the other names we just liked.
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It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
At least Huck you didn't have to go through the crazy discussion we have seen about people saying "you took my baby's name" like we have seen so often on the the other boards.
SIL was expecting baby about five months before we had DD10. Probably petty, but I resisted sharing my "short list" with my brother for exactly this reason.
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It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
I think that kind of thing would depend on the kid and the circumstances. If you're one of eight Sarah's at every family gathering, it might make you wish for a different name. Or you might think it's really neat. Or if the parents are wanting you to display the attributes of the person named after: "Oh, Aunt Rose was such a great doctor, you are going to be just like her, let's get your application to med school in the mail" - but that's the fault of the parents, not the name. Otherwise, it's just a combination of history and nice names.
I was (am) very biased toward standard, common names for DDs. One of them was a family name (on their mother's side) and it fits that DD well, but the other names we just liked.
We gave our kids very -out there- first names. But we gave them very common/family middle names so they could choose between being different or being common with very little difficulty.
Naming a baby after a relative is complimentary I believe, though my family has never gone in for the whole jr. thing.
We reuse family names and then use nicknames to tell people apart if the older person is still living. "Big" or "old" Diana as opposed to "little" Diana, etc. Quite a few of the next gen. girls in the family share Mom's middle name (Marie), including DD, but the latest, one of my greatnieces, was named for Mom outright but with a different - really different! - middle name. Ramona Katniss??? I had to ask where it came from. :/ Geez!
My one brother's middle name is Lee; he and his wife used that as both their boy's and girl's middle name.
DH is a junior after his dad; his German mom told me that my FIL told her here in the U.S. first boys are always named after their dad, and she didn't know different. DH and I didn't want to follow that, but we did re-use FIL's and DH''s middle name as our son's middle name to honor them both.
I know a family who named their kids things like Africa, Kenya, etc. Do people ever read studies about the likelihood that names like this greatly increase the chances of your resume ending up in the circular file?
I was (am) very biased toward standard, common names for DDs. One of them was a family name (on their mother's side) and it fits that DD well, but the other names we just liked.
We gave our kids very -out there- first names. But we gave them very common/family middle names so they could choose between being different or being common with very little difficulty.
None of them chose the family names.
How nice!
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It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
I know a family who named their kids things like Africa, Kenya, etc. Do people ever read studies about the likelihood that names like this greatly increase the chances of your resume ending up in the circular file?
I'm sure the kids themselves would adjust. Africa might choose to become "Ricky," Kenya might choose to become "Ken," so forth.
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It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
I know a family who named their kids things like Africa, Kenya, etc. Do people ever read studies about the likelihood that names like this greatly increase the chances of your resume ending up in the circular file?
I'm sure the kids themselves would adjust. Africa might choose to become "Ricky," Kenya might choose to become "Ken," so forth.
I think you mean you hope they would adjust. The ones I know are continuing in the same "lifestyle" as their parents.
Kina, there was a study done in California about names and X-type names were associated with mothers who were 1) having children out of wedlock, 2) not being college educated 3) on welfare or low income, etc, etc.
While I don't live in CA the people I know with the names I have mentioned parents have the lifestyle listed above and their children with those names are continuing in the same lifestyle.
Kina, there was a study done in California about names and X-type names were associated with mothers who were 1) having children out of wedlock, 2) not being college educated 3) on welfare or low income, etc, etc.
While I don't live in CA the people I know with the names I have mentioned parents have the lifestyle listed above and their children with those names are continuing in the same lifestyle.
Thanks, 42. I thought that was what you meant, but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. I wasn't aware of the study, but it doesn't surprise me.
I think using family names is nice. I am named after my grandfathers (my first and middle names are a variant and directly my grandfathers' middle names, respectively) and I like that I can carry on their names to my generation.
My DD4 is named after family on my husband's side, both first and middle. DD1 has her own first name (an Irish name we love) and a family middle name from my side. Future kids will get names we love regardless, which will probably include some family names.
But we are going to leave "Melvina" back in my great-grandfather's generation!
Kina, there was a study done in California about names and X-type names were associated with mothers who were 1) having children out of wedlock, 2) not being college educated 3) on welfare or low income, etc, etc.
While I don't live in CA the people I know with the names I have mentioned parents have the lifestyle listed above and their children with those names are continuing in the same lifestyle.
Thanks, 42. I thought that was what you meant, but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. I wasn't aware of the study, but it doesn't surprise me.
Yeah once at the hair salon some women were talking about how they were on "the system" (I have to admit for the longest time I had no idea what "the system" was) and about this card that they had to buy food, and about a card you have to get money from their kid's dad (no not their husband because they were not married), it seemed like a generational way of life. Hey, I understand one day you have a great job and the next day you don't and you lose your health insurance and you need some help, I TOTALLY get that, but this was something different and none of these ladies had what I would call "resume" names.
-- Edited by Forty-two on Monday 12th of November 2012 08:42:07 AM
I had to ask where it came from. :/ Geez! 