Invisapeeps 2.0

Evil Stepmother · Guru

Big showers-gift grab or sharing the joy

Forty-two · Guru

When I was young bridal and baby showers were small intimate affairs. Someone recently told me about a baby shower with 60 people, although she was a close friend to the mother-to-be she felt like it was a total gift grab. What say you, gift grab or sharing the joy?

Evil Stepmother · Guru

Perhaps some people with a lot of friends and large families have to invite that many people, but it does seem a little gift grabby. A shower should be for close friends who really want to celebrate with the bride.

The big showers are really not much fun either. My sister in law (who shouldn't have been the hostess) threw a big wedding shower for her daughter and had to rent a room from a little Baptist church. We sat at tables in a U Shape and watched the bride open gifts. There was no mingling and not much socializing because you could only talk to the people sitting along side you. That is one shower that would have improved a lot with the addition of some ****tails.

When I got married my coworkers threw me a shower with about 12 guests and one of my friends had one with about 8. Both were much more fun and the guests appeared to have a better time. Plus we had wine at the one and mimosas at the other.

Cactus · Senior Member

I don't really know. Maybe small showers are small gift-grabs and big showers are big gift-grabs.
I think for me, there might be other determing factors in how much of a gift grab it feels like, as well as how enjoyable it is. I'm not really sure though.

Forty-two · Guru

Cactus wrote:
I don't really know. Maybe small showers are small gift-grabs and big showers are big gift-grabs.
I think for me, there might be other determing factors in how much of a gift grab it feels like, as well as how enjoyable it is. I'm not really sure though.

Are showers ever enjoyable biggrin ? It is like a self inflicted cut we do for our friends smile

Forty-two · Guru

Evil Stepmother wrote:
Perhaps some people with a lot of friends and large families have to invite that many people, but it does seem a little gift grabby. A shower should be for close friends who really want to celebrate with the bride.

The big showers are really not much fun either. My sister in law (who shouldn't have been the hostess) threw a big wedding shower for her daughter and had to rent a room from a little Baptist church. We sat at tables in a U Shape and watched the bride open gifts. There was no mingling and not much socializing because you could only talk to the people sitting along side you. That is one shower that would have improved a lot with the addition of some ****tails.

When I got married my coworkers threw me a shower with about 12 guests and one of my friends had one with about 8. Both were much more fun and the guests appeared to have a better time. Plus we had wine at the one and mimosas at the other.

I have never been to an alcohol free shower, I think I would have to kill myself smile

Cactus · Senior Member

Forty-two wrote:
Cactus wrote:
I don't really know. Maybe small showers are small gift-grabs and big showers are big gift-grabs.
I think for me, there might be other determing factors in how much of a gift grab it feels like, as well as how enjoyable it is. I'm not really sure though.
Are showers ever enjoyable? It is like a self inflicted cut we do for our friends

I don't really mind a shower to the degree that it is just like other parties, with food, drinks, friends etc. I suppose in that case it depends on the company. It's the typical shower activities that I think make showers hard to enjoy-especially games, contests, and crafts, especially if there is pressure to participate. That stuff is a drag. I have found that showers that include men tend to be better, maybe just because they are less likely to be stereotypical.

living revived · Senior Member

I think it depends on how well the MTB knows everyone. I mean, I could easily have had 60 people that would be genuinely happy for us there if I had a baby shower in my hometown, and would be hurt if they weren't invited.

But the small shower that was held in my IL's hometown was totally a gift grab, and it was embarrassing. My IL's lack a lot of tact. I told them I didn't want one there, but they did it anyway (while we were visiting and staying with them) and sprung it on us, so it happened. There were only maybe 8 people, but it was AWFUL. And exSIL said DURING THE SHOWER "Sorry there's not more people here, we were hoping more would come so you could get more stuff!" in front of everyone. I wanted to dig a hole and die in it.

Cactus · Senior Member

living revived wrote:
I think it depends on how well the MTB knows everyone. I mean, I could easily have had 60 people that would be genuinely happy for us there if I had a baby shower in my hometown, and would be hurt if they weren't invited.

But the small shower that was held in my IL's hometown was totally a gift grab, and it was embarrassing. My IL's lack a lot of tact. I told them I didn't want one there, but they did it anyway (while we were visiting and staying with them) and sprung it on us, so it happened. There were only maybe 8 people, but it was AWFUL. And exSIL said DURING THE SHOWER "Sorry there's not more people here, we were hoping more would come so you could get more stuff!" in front of everyone. I wanted to dig a hole and die in it.

Sounds like a terrible experience! Can you share some more of what made it so awful?

dqm either · Don't Quote Me

I know the last party I threw there were two eight foot tables laden with gifts and some of them were just cards! I was surprised that there were so many and concerned at how long it was going to take to open that many presents.

Luckily almost half of the gifts were packages of diapers as we had a diaper raffle and almost everyone participated *whew* But still the amount of gifts needs to be taken into consideration by the hostess.

If the amount of gifts overshadows the enjoyment of the guests then it's a gift grab.

Aardvark · But my mom says I'm cool!

I had pretty big showers when I got married and had AB. It's the norm around here to invite all the female wedding guests to the bridal shower. For my baby shower, I only invited our sisters, aunts, female first cousins, a few "must-have" relatives and my closest friends; I think the invite list had about 80 people on it and maybe 50 came. I'd have preferred 2 smaller showers and separated the families, but it didn't work that way.

dqm either · Don't Quote Me

In our family it's not done to exclude people from your hapiness.

It's actually kind of the opposite. When you celebrate it's time to show off your generosity. The more people you host the more blessed you are. If you keep your good fortunes to yourself you're considered stingy or poor or WORSE... *stuck up*

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

I say "gift grab"

NANN2 · Leader of the Woof Pack

I'm a weirdo who loves showers and shower games. It never feels gift grabby to me. ImalwAys just excited to baby shop. Lol

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

I wanted to expand on my answer. While I still say "gift grab"... I don't necessarily mean it in a bad way (most of the time), because young couples just starting out or new parents being parents for the first time DO reasonably need help starting their homes/parenting... so it's not ALWAYS an unwelcome "gift grab".

living revived · Senior Member

Cactus wrote:
living revived wrote:
I think it depends on how well the MTB knows everyone. I mean, I could easily have had 60 people that would be genuinely happy for us there if I had a baby shower in my hometown, and would be hurt if they weren't invited.

But the small shower that was held in my IL's hometown was totally a gift grab, and it was embarrassing. My IL's lack a lot of tact. I told them I didn't want one there, but they did it anyway (while we were visiting and staying with them) and sprung it on us, so it happened. There were only maybe 8 people, but it was AWFUL. And exSIL said DURING THE SHOWER "Sorry there's not more people here, we were hoping more would come so you could get more stuff!" in front of everyone. I wanted to dig a hole and die in it.
Sounds like a terrible experience! Can you share some more of what made it so awful?

But of course!

ex SIL and MIL planned the whole thing. (They lived in the same house.) They ALSO scheduled a life insurance agent to come an hour and a half before the party was supposed to start to interview them and tell them all about their options. Of course, it took longer than an hour and a half, so all the guests were there in their tiny little house sitting in the living room while they finished up their interview with her in the same room.

I hadn't seen the invitations until after the party, but it was a poem all about gifts for the mom-to-be and baby, then at the bottom they said we registered at 3 different places (untrue- IDK why they put them down!)

They didn't really have any food planned, so they threw some chips and salsa together at the last minute. She was also planning the games the day of and freaking out about having to print stuff out still for puzzles or something.

I only knew a couple of people that came.

During the whole thing, ex SIL made comments like the one above about there not being enough gifts.

It was embarrasing. I really, really could have done without. All the invitees were very sweet about it though.

huckleberry · Senior Member

I dunno, it seems like at least as much trouble and expense to plan and give a shower as to buy the stuff yourself, so I find the "gift grab" concept puzzling.

I have not enjoyed the large showers I've attended, though. I suspect the motivation for these huge and cheerless gatherings may be more along the lines of "see how many friends I have!" and as often as not this is from the mother or aunt of the honoree rather than the bride or mom to be.

Cactus · Senior Member

living revived wrote:
Cactus wrote:
living revived wrote:
I think it depends on how well the MTB knows everyone. I mean, I could easily have had 60 people that would be genuinely happy for us there if I had a baby shower in my hometown, and would be hurt if they weren't invited.

But the small shower that was held in my IL's hometown was totally a gift grab, and it was embarrassing. My IL's lack a lot of tact. I told them I didn't want one there, but they did it anyway (while we were visiting and staying with them) and sprung it on us, so it happened. There were only maybe 8 people, but it was AWFUL. And exSIL said DURING THE SHOWER "Sorry there's not more people here, we were hoping more would come so you could get more stuff!" in front of everyone. I wanted to dig a hole and die in it.
Sounds like a terrible experience! Can you share some more of what made it so awful?
But of course!

ex SIL and MIL planned the whole thing. (They lived in the same house.) They ALSO scheduled a life insurance agent to come an hour and a half before the party was supposed to start to interview them and tell them all about their options. Of course, it took longer than an hour and a half, so all the guests were there in their tiny little house sitting in the living room while they finished up their interview with her in the same room.
I hadn't seen the invitations until after the party, but it was a poem all about gifts for the mom-to-be and baby, then at the bottom they said we registered at 3 different places (untrue- IDK why they put them down!)
They didn't really have any food planned, so they threw some chips and salsa together at the last minute. She was also planning the games the day of and freaking out about having to print stuff out still for puzzles or something.
I only knew a couple of people that came.
During the whole thing, ex SIL made comments like the one above about there not being enough gifts.
It was embarrasing. I really, really could have done without. All the invitees were very sweet about it though.

That sounds really uncomfortable for you, lr. I would hope that people at least understood that it was not your doing-especially if they looked for your non existent registries!

Papa Bear · Senior Member

The one & only time I was invited to a bridal shower, I declined but got a gift on my own time. Bride was completely fine with that. Based on that anecdote, I'd say gift solicitation (if not "grab").

What I really wanted was to avoid the thing; what (I believe) she really wanted was the gift. So in effect I purchased my way out of the ordeal. For me, it was win-win.

dqm either · Don't Quote Me

I don't think you're a weirdo

OpheliaDev1 · Guru

RE: Big showers-gift grab or sharing the joy