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Forty-two · Guru

Should I tell my infertile Asian wife that I want all-white babies?

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

huckleberry wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
huckleberry wrote:
Richard, if he had said to a fertile wife, let's go shopping for some white eggs because I'd rather my kids were not brown, would that be alright?
No it wouldn't be alright... but the difference there is, in your scenario, the wife is fertile. Egg shopping wouldn't be happening in that case.

I thought I was clear that it's only alright IN THIS CASE because the wife is unfertile and they would be using a stranger's eggs anyway.
It's OK to be racist if nature gives you an opportunity to be racist?

It's o.k. to have a preference if nature gives you an opportunity to consider the preference.

Look at it this way: Is it acceptable for women looking for sperm donors to want intelligent men? That's something that's (marginally) genetic. What about wanting sperm from athletic men? What about wanting sperm from tall men?

ETA: and yes... what about women wanting sperm from only men of specific races?

-- Edited by RichardInTN on Thursday 29th of November 2012 08:46:27 PM

Cactus · Senior Member

Spoiler

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/11/dear_prudence_can_i_request_that_our_egg_surrogate_be_white_though_my_wife.html

Spoilered for long url that would mess up the screen.

The other questions are worth reading too.

The people in the comments section don't seem very introspective.

Cactus · Senior Member

Spoiler

Prudence,
My wife, who is infertile, and I have recently decided to have children—we’d like eventually to have three—using an egg donor. (We decided against adoption because we would have no biological connection to our children.) We have just settled on this option but it has thrown open a whole new dilemma for me. I am white and my wife is East Asian. Her race isn't a problem for me and I would have had no difficulty raising mixed race children, but frankly, now that I have the choice, I’d prefer my kids to be white. We live in a fairly homogeneously white area and at the end of the day I want my kids to look like me, their cousins, and the kids they'll go to school with. I don't think my wife has ever experienced racism, but I think she might understand my point of view. Then I think I maybe I’m just convincing myself about this. I really could use a second opinion before I broach the subject with her.

—Want To Be a Dad

I didn't include Prudie's answer, which is not the interesting part.

Forty-two · Guru

He should have thought of that before he had an Asian wife.

Part of the reason I wanted to a have a kid with DH was to have a kid that looked like both of us. If I wanted an all black kid then I would not have married him and think to procreate with him.

The husband is a little wacky but frankly I don't have a lot of sympathy for the wife because I don't believe for a second she did not see this behavior before-hand.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

I don't see anything wrong with what the husband is wanting to do (and I'd say the same think no matter what race the husband was... or if it was reversed and the wife had good eggs and the hubby was shooting blanks). He said (quite plainly) that had his wife NOT been infertile, he'd've been happy to have mixed race kids. They have to get the donor eggs from SOMEONE... what's wrong with being selective when you are shopping?

huckleberry · Senior Member

Richard, if he had said to a fertile wife, let's go shopping for some white eggs because I'd rather my kids were not brown, would that be alright?

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

huckleberry wrote:
Richard, if he had said to a fertile wife, let's go shopping for some white eggs because I'd rather my kids were not brown, would that be alright?

No it wouldn't be alright... but the difference there is, in your scenario, the wife is fertile. Egg shopping wouldn't be happening in that case.

I thought I was clear that it's only alright IN THIS CASE because the wife is unfertile and they would be using a stranger's eggs anyway.

huckleberry · Senior Member

RichardInTN wrote:
huckleberry wrote:
Richard, if he had said to a fertile wife, let's go shopping for some white eggs because I'd rather my kids were not brown, would that be alright?
No it wouldn't be alright... but the difference there is, in your scenario, the wife is fertile. Egg shopping wouldn't be happening in that case.

I thought I was clear that it's only alright IN THIS CASE because the wife is unfertile and they would be using a stranger's eggs anyway.

It's OK to be racist if nature gives you an opportunity to be racist?

huckleberry · Senior Member

I guess I don't have any problem with women wanting sperm from intelligent, athletic or tall men, though it seems a bit silly. It isn't racist to prefer that one's children be any of those things.

It is blatantly racist to prefer that one's children be white.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

huckleberry wrote:
I guess I don't have any problem with women wanting sperm from intelligent, athletic or tall men, though it seems a bit silly. It isn't racist to prefer that one's children be any of those things.

It is blatantly racist to prefer that one's children be white.

It's blatently anti-short people to only want tall donors.

It's blatently anti-couch-potoato people to only want athletic donors.

It's blatently anti-learning-impaired people to want only intelligent donors.

If you want to look at it from a discrimination standpoint, be fair and call them ALL discrimination. And if you want to see it as wrong to choose, be fair and see them ALL as wrong.

huckleberry · Senior Member

I didn't call it "discrimination." I called it racism, meaning racial discrimination, which is wrong. He's making a value judgment that it is better to be white, which obviously has nothing to do with intelligence, height, athleticism, a sweet smile, or any of the other traits a person might dream of for their child (perhaps foolishly).

Richard, why would it be wrong to tell his fertile, brown wife that it's time to go shopping for some white eggs?

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

huckleberry wrote:
I didn't call it "discrimination." I called it racism, meaning racial discrimination, which is wrong. He's making a value judgment that it is better to be white, which obviously has nothing to do with intelligence, height, athleticism, a sweet smile, or any of the other traits a person might dream of for their child (perhaps foolishly).

Richard, why would it be wrong to tell his fertile, brown wife that it's time to go shopping for some white eggs?

Because his fertile brown wife is.... (Wait for it.....)

Fertile.

huckleberry · Senior Member

Richard, do you mean that his wife's fertility requires him to settle for second--rate (I.e. Non-white) kids?

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

huckleberry wrote:
Richard, do you mean that his wife's fertility requires him to settle for second--rate (I.e. Non-white) kids?

You said "second rate"... not me.

His wife's fertility eliminates the need to shop for eggs. Without the need to shop, the option for preferences (of ANY kind) is eliminated.

Here's a thought... wouldn't it be just as racist to look only for asian eggs (in the care of the OP)?

Forty-two · Guru

RichardInTN wrote:
huckleberry wrote:
Richard, do you mean that his wife's fertility requires him to settle for second--rate (I.e. Non-white) kids?
You said "second rate"... not me.
His wife's fertility eliminates the need to shop for eggs. Without the need to shop, the option for preferences (of ANY kind) is eliminated.

Here's a thought... wouldn't it be just as racist to look only for asian eggs (in the care of the OP)?

I would think they would look for Asian eggs so that they would not be asked questions about the parentage of the child. There is no way an all white kid could be passed off as their child.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
huckleberry wrote:
Richard, do you mean that his wife's fertility requires him to settle for second--rate (I.e. Non-white) kids?
You said "second rate"... not me.
His wife's fertility eliminates the need to shop for eggs. Without the need to shop, the option for preferences (of ANY kind) is eliminated.

Here's a thought... wouldn't it be just as racist to look only for asian eggs (in the care of the OP)?
I would think they would look for Asian eggs so that they would not be asked questions about the parentage of the child. There is no way an all white kid could be passed off as their child.

Why not?

But that wasn't the question. The question was "wouldn't it be just as racist to look only for Asian eggs?"

Forty-two · Guru

RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
huckleberry wrote:
Richard, do you mean that his wife's fertility requires him to settle for second--rate (I.e. Non-white) kids?
You said "second rate"... not me.
His wife's fertility eliminates the need to shop for eggs. Without the need to shop, the option for preferences (of ANY kind) is eliminated.

Here's a thought... wouldn't it be just as racist to look only for asian eggs (in the care of the OP)?
I would think they would look for Asian eggs so that they would not be asked questions about the parentage of the child. There is no way an all white kid could be passed off as their child.
Why not?
But that wasn't the question. The question was "wouldn't it be just as racist to look only for Asian eggs?"

I will just skip question one and move to question two, no it is not racist to want to have kids that look like you and getting an Asian egg would increse the chances of that, and I go back to what I said before having an Asian egg would decrease the chances of people asking about the parentage of their children.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
huckleberry wrote:
Richard, do you mean that his wife's fertility requires him to settle for second--rate (I.e. Non-white) kids?
You said "second rate"... not me.
His wife's fertility eliminates the need to shop for eggs. Without the need to shop, the option for preferences (of ANY kind) is eliminated.

Here's a thought... wouldn't it be just as racist to look only for asian eggs (in the care of the OP)?
I would think they would look for Asian eggs so that they would not be asked questions about the parentage of the child. There is no way an all white kid could be passed off as their child.
Why not?
But that wasn't the question. The question was "wouldn't it be just as racist to look only for Asian eggs?"
I will just skip question one and move to question two, no it is not racist to want to have kids that look like you and getting an Asian egg would increse the chances of that, and I go back to what I said before having an Asian egg would decrease the chances of people asking about the parentage of their children.

So your answer is "it IS racist to choose his race, but it's NOT racist to choose hers." That's a confusing answer.

Either it is or it isn't. Pardon the phrase but this is a totally "black or white" issue... there's no grey area here. If it's not racist to choose her race, then it's not racist to choose his.

Forty-two · Guru

Richard to not want to have a child that is his wife's race is racist because he is already contributing his race to the equation. I am not sure why there is confusion.

It is funny I ask DH about this scenario and using us, black mom and white dad, and I asked if he would seek a white egg, he looked at me like I was BSC, and asked if he wanted to have an all white kid then he wouldn't have married me in the first place.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Forty-two wrote:
Richard to not want to have a child that is his wife's race is racist because he is already contributing his race to the equation. I am not sure why there is confusion.

It is funny I ask DH about this scenario and using us, black mom and white dad, and I asked if he would seek a white egg, he looked at me like I was BSC, and asked if he wanted to have an all white kid then he wouldn't have married me in the first place.

This is something I can agree on.

In my case however, I am not sure why there is confusion that it's NOT racist.

Forty-two · Guru

So your answer is "it IS racist to choose his race, but it's NOT racist to choose hers." That's a confusing answer

He is contributing his race to the child by him seeking a kid of his racce only he is excluding hers. It would be just as racist if she said she did not want to have a white baby.

-- Edited by Forty-two on Friday 30th of November 2012 08:05:34 AM

Forty-two · Guru

RichardInTN wrote:
I've got no idea why you bolded all that.

Bolding something that's wrong doesn't magically make it right.

I bolded it accidentaly because I had issues with posting, sheeze. But I noticed you have addressed the issue. Can you explain how it is not racist to not want to have you child be equally part your race and the race of the mother?

-- Edited by Forty-two on Friday 30th of November 2012 09:12:17 AM

tigerlily · Guru

There's something terribly off that he wants to have children with his wife, but now that they have the option he wants their children to NOT LOOK LIKE HER. Inherent in wanting his children to look like him, his family and his community, is the fact that he does not want THEIR children to resemble his wife, his wife's family, etc.

It feels like he would be making her the outsider in their own family.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

I've got no idea why you bolded all that.

Bolding something that's wrong doesn't magically make it right.

huckleberry · Senior Member

Richard, you know perfectly well why I said "second-rate.". Let's not be silly.

If he prefers white children, he prefers white children. The fact that his wife cannot contribute a fertile egg does't magically eliminate the bigotry.

huckleberry · Senior Member

Forty-two wrote:
huckleberry wrote:
I think Prudie's reference to the Council of Conservative Citizens is due to the fact that those folks are about the only people in America who seriously object to people of different races marrying one another or having children together.

I wonder are there still dozens of them sitting in the MIssissippi State legislature?
You don't really believe that do you?

Well, no. But it isn't a view espoused publically and proudly by many people these days, as it is by this group.

from the website:

2) We believe the United States is a European country and that Americans are part of the European people. We believe that the United States derives from and is an integral part of European civilization and the European people and that the American people and government should remain European in their composition and character. We therefore oppose the massive immigration of non-European and non-Western peoples into the United States that threatens to transform our nation into a non-European majority in our lifetime. We believe that illegal immigration must be stopped, if necessary by military force and placing troops on our national borders; that illegal aliens must be returned to their own countries; and that legal immigration must be severely restricted or halted through appropriate changes in our laws and policies. We also oppose all efforts to mix the races of mankind, to promote non-white races over the European-American people through so-called “affirmative action” and similar measures, to destroy or denigrate the European-American heritage, including the heritage of the Southern people, and to force the integration of the races.

-- Edited by huckleberry on Friday 30th of November 2012 06:24:01 PM

huckleberry · Senior Member

I don't agree, Richard. I don't know how I would feel personally, but choosing an egg from a person with an ethnic/racial background similar to the wife's would only lead to a child with a (somewhat more) similar mix of genes to a child conceived with an egg from the wife and an egg from the husband, i.e. a "half-white" child. That's not a preference for Asian children over white children, and not inherently racist.

He wants his kids to be all white, like he is.

ETA: sorry, no need for this post, 42 already said what I was trying to say

-- Edited by huckleberry on Friday 30th of November 2012 08:05:42 PM

Cactus · Senior Member

RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
Richard I would think to avoid a lot of explanation if a couple were to have a child that they would want the kid to resemble the parents this would avoid a lot of discussion. The best way to achieve that is to get an Asian egg. It is not racist for parents to want their kids to look like them. As a parent I would pity the kid who had to keep explaining why he did not look like his parents unless the kid was adopted.

She (I assume) does not want the kid to be only Asian, he, on the other hand wants the kid to be only white, the latter is the racist part, he wants his kid to be ONLY white. I don't want it both ways I If she were to say she only wanted an Asian kid I would say she is 1) racist and 2) BSC for marrying a white man.
This is why you had the conversation recently with dqm. You don't understand the concept of "it's o.k. if the kids don't resemble Mom AND Dad".
Again. You can't have it both ways... if it's NOT racist for her to want Asian... then it's NOT racist for him to want white.
And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.?
She doesn't want Asian only he wants white only. Why don't you address that? That is the point you seem to be missing.
When it comes to the egg, you are suggestring that if she says "Asian only" that it's not racist. You are wrong, based on your assertion that it's wrong for him to say "white only".
You seriously need to pick a side. Either it's racist to have a preference or it isn't. Pick one (I say it isn't). I'd have respect for your argument if you would just do that one little thing. Pick a side. As it is I can't follow your argument because you keep flipping sides in the same paragraph. Sometimes even in the same sentence.

42 has stated clearly that it would (in her opinion) be racist for the mother to want the baby to be Asian only.

-- Edited by Cactus on Friday 30th of November 2012 10:41:21 PM

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Cactus wrote:
I am trying to imagine telling someone "Now that we have options I'd prefer the baby not be your race at all" and I really can't. I don't see my relationship surviving that.

Why not go with something that wasn't insulting... like: "I'd rather the baby be part of both of us... but since we don't have that option, and we HAVE to do it this way, why not make life as easy as possible for the child?"

ETA: yeah... I know... I said I was bowing out. Couldn't help myself.

-- Edited by RichardInTN on Friday 30th of November 2012 11:48:40 PM

RareEyre · Veteran Member

Wow. It's hard to say whose bigotry is worse here, the LW's or Prudie's in her disgusting response. Stereotype much, sweetheart?

But, I digress.

I'm not sure I understand the LW's motivation here. I mean, he met, fell for, married, and tried to have babies with a woman who happens to be Asian. Because the babies didn't work out, he's suddenly thinking, "Hey now, I can make babies that look like ME without any of those pesky Asian genes that would have made life too hard for them anyway, so LET'S DO THAT!"? Either way the child will have his genes, but somehow having the other half come from a woman of the same heritage as his wife is distasteful to him? Methinks he's really not as "fine" with his wife's ethnicity as he tells himself. It seems as though it's okay to be married to her, but those kids will be his "blood" and that is unacceptable?

Sidenote: I was once engaged to a guy who was multiracial, and he told me (out of the blue) that he would be devastated if his future children could "pass" for white. That he may not be able to love them. I (being Miss Pastyface Irish McGerman) didn't really know what to say, since such things were really out of our control, but I will say that those fears (which didn't abate) contributed to our eventual (though not-unfriendly) break-up.

A preference is a preference, but I do believe it behooves us all to figure out how important such things are before binding ourselves to others and opening the door to all sorts of pain and resentment.

Cactus · Senior Member

I also found Prudie's answer very tiresome. What an annoying woman-doesn't she come across as very smug?

Forty-two · Guru

It didn't bother me. I figure if those groups and people did not act like that she would not be in a place to reference them.

That said did you see the story after that about the vag odor???!!!

huckleberry · Senior Member

I think Prudie's reference to the Council of Conservative Citizens is due to the fact that those folks are about the only people in America who seriously object to people of different races marrying one another or having children together.

I wonder are there still dozens of them sitting in the MIssissippi State legislature?

Cactus · Senior Member

I don't really appreciate Prudie's attempts at humor in general. I find her quite lame.

Yes, awkward situation in the second letter.

A friend of mine once told me about a friend of hers whose new boyfriend told her-quite bluntly, it would seem-that she should see her gynecologist, because she had a yeast infection. The person went to the doctor and it was true.

OTOH, though Prudie seems pretty confident that something like that is the case here, how can she really be sure? Isn't it possible the girlfriend just happens to have an odor that the LW happens to not like? Different people have different natural smells that can also be affected by their diet and so forth...what if LW's gf goes to the doctor and there is nothing wrong with her?

Forty-two · Guru

huckleberry wrote:
I think Prudie's reference to the Council of Conservative Citizens is due to the fact that those folks are about the only people in America who seriously object to people of different races marrying one another or having children together.

I wonder are there still dozens of them sitting in the MIssissippi State legislature?

You don't really believe that do you?

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
I've got no idea why you bolded all that.

Bolding something that's wrong doesn't magically make it right.
I bolded it accidentaly because I had issues with posting, sheeze. But I noticed you have addressed the issue. Can you explain how it is not racist to not want to have you child be equally part your race and the race of the mother?

My apologies. I thought the bolding was intentional.

Let me ask you a question in response... how would it NOT be racist for her to want the donor to be Asian? Isn't that racially exclusive of all other races... making it racist?

If it's not racist for her, it's not racist for him. You want it both ways, but it doesn't work that way. It either is... or it isn't. I say it's not.

Forty-two · Guru

Richard I would think to avoid a lot of explanation if a couple were to have a child that they would want the kid to resemble the parents this would avoid a lot of discussion. The best way to achieve that is to get an Asian egg. It is not racist for parents to want their kids to look like them. As a parent I would pity the kid who had to keep explaining why he did not look like his parents unless the kid was adopted.

She (I assume) does not want the kid to be only Asian, he, on the other hand wants the kid to be only white, the latter is the racist part, he wants his kid to be ONLY white. I don't want it both ways I If she were to say she only wanted an Asian kid I would say she is 1) racist and 2) BSC for marrying a white man.

Forty-two · Guru

Cactus wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Cactus wrote:
I am trying to imagine telling someone "Now that we have options I'd prefer the baby not be your race at all" and I really can't. I don't see my relationship surviving that.
Why not go with something that wasn't insulting... like: "I'd rather the baby be part of both of us... but since we don't have that option, and we HAVE to do it this way, why not make life as easy as possible for the child?"
Richard, of course I was not just envisioning telling my partner the exact quote I have provided above. What I wrote above is the meaning regardless. I cannot imagine any way I could deliver this message that would not be relationship ending.

It would be the end of my relationship because I would think the guy was a tool and an idiot. If he wanted a kid that looked like him, his family, and his neighbors so the kid could have an eaiser life then he should not have married this woman. Now any way that he wants to capitalize on the good fortune of her infertility will make him look just as Prudie described him.

-- Edited by Forty-two on Saturday 1st of December 2012 02:30:52 PM

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Forty-two wrote:
Richard I would think to avoid a lot of explanation if a couple were to have a child that they would want the kid to resemble the parents this would avoid a lot of discussion. The best way to achieve that is to get an Asian egg. It is not racist for parents to want their kids to look like them. As a parent I would pity the kid who had to keep explaining why he did not look like his parents unless the kid was adopted.

She (I assume) does not want the kid to be only Asian, he, on the other hand wants the kid to be only white, the latter is the racist part, he wants his kid to be ONLY white. I don't want it both ways I If she were to say she only wanted an Asian kid I would say she is 1) racist and 2) BSC for marrying a white man.

This is why you had the conversation recently with dqm. You don't understand the concept of "it's o.k. if the kids don't resemble Mom AND Dad".

Again. You can't have it both ways... if it's NOT racist for her to want Asian... then it's NOT racist for him to want white.

And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.?

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

huckleberry wrote:
I don't agree, Richard. I don't know how I would feel personally, but choosing an egg from a person with an ethnic/racial background similar to the wife's would only lead to a child with a (somewhat more) similar mix of genes to a child conceived with an egg from the wife and an egg from the husband, i.e. a "half-white" child. That's not a preference for Asian children over white children, and not inherently racist.

He wants his kids to be all white, like he is.

ETA: sorry, no need for this post, 42 already said what I was trying to say

Correction: since his wife is unable to provide the egg(s) necessary for a child(ren)... he has a preference that he never would have considered otherwise.

Forty-two · Guru

RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
Richard I would think to avoid a lot of explanation if a couple were to have a child that they would want the kid to resemble the parents this would avoid a lot of discussion. The best way to achieve that is to get an Asian egg. It is not racist for parents to want their kids to look like them. As a parent I would pity the kid who had to keep explaining why he did not look like his parents unless the kid was adopted.

She (I assume) does not want the kid to be only Asian, he, on the other hand wants the kid to be only white, the latter is the racist part, he wants his kid to be ONLY white. I don't want it both ways I If she were to say she only wanted an Asian kid I would say she is 1) racist and 2) BSC for marrying a white man.
This is why you had the conversation recently with dqm. You don't understand the concept of "it's o.k. if the kids don't resemble Mom AND Dad".
Again. You can't have it both ways... if it's NOT racist for her to want Asian... then it's NOT racist for him to want white.
And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.?

She doesn't want Asian only he wants white only. Why don't you address that? That is the point you seem to be missing.

Forty-two · Guru

And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.? No

It does not matter why they are egg shopping, it is a good thing they are so the woman can see what a racist moron the guy is. Though I find it hard to believe she did not see eveidence of this before.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
Richard I would think to avoid a lot of explanation if a couple were to have a child that they would want the kid to resemble the parents this would avoid a lot of discussion. The best way to achieve that is to get an Asian egg. It is not racist for parents to want their kids to look like them. As a parent I would pity the kid who had to keep explaining why he did not look like his parents unless the kid was adopted.

She (I assume) does not want the kid to be only Asian, he, on the other hand wants the kid to be only white, the latter is the racist part, he wants his kid to be ONLY white. I don't want it both ways I If she were to say she only wanted an Asian kid I would say she is 1) racist and 2) BSC for marrying a white man.
This is why you had the conversation recently with dqm. You don't understand the concept of "it's o.k. if the kids don't resemble Mom AND Dad".
Again. You can't have it both ways... if it's NOT racist for her to want Asian... then it's NOT racist for him to want white.
And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.?
She doesn't want Asian only he wants white only. Why don't you address that? That is the point you seem to be missing.

When it comes to the egg, you are suggestring that if she says "Asian only" that it's not racist. You are wrong, based on your assertion that it's wrong for him to say "white only".

You seriously need to pick a side. Either it's racist to have a preference or it isn't. Pick one (I say it isn't). I'd have respect for your argument if you would just do that one little thing. Pick a side. As it is I can't follow your argument because you keep flipping sides in the same paragraph. Sometimes even in the same sentence.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Forty-two wrote:
And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.? No

It does not matter why they are egg shopping, it is a good thing they are so the woman can see what a racist moron the guy is. Though I find it hard to believe she did not see eveidence of this before.

That's just it. He's NOT a "racist moron". You said preferring one's own race isn't racist (well... she can pick her race... why can't he?).

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Ohhh... wait a second. I think I know why it's wrong for him to have an opinion.

Because he's a "Him".

If he was a "Her" it'd be alright.

Forty-two · Guru

RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
Richard I would think to avoid a lot of explanation if a couple were to have a child that they would want the kid to resemble the parents this would avoid a lot of discussion. The best way to achieve that is to get an Asian egg. It is not racist for parents to want their kids to look like them. As a parent I would pity the kid who had to keep explaining why he did not look like his parents unless the kid was adopted.

She (I assume) does not want the kid to be only Asian, he, on the other hand wants the kid to be only white, the latter is the racist part, he wants his kid to be ONLY white. I don't want it both ways I If she were to say she only wanted an Asian kid I would say she is 1) racist and 2) BSC for marrying a white man.
This is why you had the conversation recently with dqm. You don't understand the concept of "it's o.k. if the kids don't resemble Mom AND Dad".
Again. You can't have it both ways... if it's NOT racist for her to want Asian... then it's NOT racist for him to want white.
And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.?
She doesn't want Asian only he wants white only. Why don't you address that? That is the point you seem to be missing.
When it comes to the egg, you are suggestring that if she says "Asian only" that it's not racist. You are wrong, based on your assertion that it's wrong for him to say "white only".
You seriously need to pick a side. Either it's racist to have a preference or it isn't. Pick one (I say it isn't). I'd have respect for your argument if you would just do that one little thing. Pick a side. As it is I can't follow your argument because you keep flipping sides in the same paragraph. Sometimes even in the same sentence.

I am not flip flopping. She DOES NOT want an Asian only baby if she did she would be as racist as he is.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
Richard I would think to avoid a lot of explanation if a couple were to have a child that they would want the kid to resemble the parents this would avoid a lot of discussion. The best way to achieve that is to get an Asian egg. It is not racist for parents to want their kids to look like them. As a parent I would pity the kid who had to keep explaining why he did not look like his parents unless the kid was adopted.

She (I assume) does not want the kid to be only Asian, he, on the other hand wants the kid to be only white, the latter is the racist part, he wants his kid to be ONLY white. I don't want it both ways I If she were to say she only wanted an Asian kid I would say she is 1) racist and 2) BSC for marrying a white man.
This is why you had the conversation recently with dqm. You don't understand the concept of "it's o.k. if the kids don't resemble Mom AND Dad".
Again. You can't have it both ways... if it's NOT racist for her to want Asian... then it's NOT racist for him to want white.
And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.?
She doesn't want Asian only he wants white only. Why don't you address that? That is the point you seem to be missing.
When it comes to the egg, you are suggestring that if she says "Asian only" that it's not racist. You are wrong, based on your assertion that it's wrong for him to say "white only".
You seriously need to pick a side. Either it's racist to have a preference or it isn't. Pick one (I say it isn't). I'd have respect for your argument if you would just do that one little thing. Pick a side. As it is I can't follow your argument because you keep flipping sides in the same paragraph. Sometimes even in the same sentence.
I am not flip flopping. She DOES NOT want an Asian only baby if she did she would be as racist as he is.

I didn't say "asian only BABY" I'm JUST referring to the egg. This is all about the egg. Remember: an egg is required because she cannot provide one.

If she wanted an Asian EGG and excluded all other eggs from every other race, would she be racist? Yes or no?

Let's reverse the example: Let's suppose the husband was shooting blanks... and they had to shop around for sperm: Would he be racist for wanting white sperm?

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

Cactus wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
RichardInTN wrote:
Forty-two wrote:
Richard I would think to avoid a lot of explanation if a couple were to have a child that they would want the kid to resemble the parents this would avoid a lot of discussion. The best way to achieve that is to get an Asian egg. It is not racist for parents to want their kids to look like them. As a parent I would pity the kid who had to keep explaining why he did not look like his parents unless the kid was adopted.

She (I assume) does not want the kid to be only Asian, he, on the other hand wants the kid to be only white, the latter is the racist part, he wants his kid to be ONLY white. I don't want it both ways I If she were to say she only wanted an Asian kid I would say she is 1) racist and 2) BSC for marrying a white man.
This is why you had the conversation recently with dqm. You don't understand the concept of "it's o.k. if the kids don't resemble Mom AND Dad".
Again. You can't have it both ways... if it's NOT racist for her to want Asian... then it's NOT racist for him to want white.
And (yet again), remember... there wouldn't even be egg shopping if the wife wasn't infertile. He stated (very plainly, I might add) that he had no issue with having a mixed child if the wife were fertile. So let's drop the "if he didn't want mixed kids he shouldn't have married an Asian woman" crap... o.k.?
She doesn't want Asian only he wants white only. Why don't you address that? That is the point you seem to be missing.
When it comes to the egg, you are suggestring that if she says "Asian only" that it's not racist. You are wrong, based on your assertion that it's wrong for him to say "white only".
You seriously need to pick a side. Either it's racist to have a preference or it isn't. Pick one (I say it isn't). I'd have respect for your argument if you would just do that one little thing. Pick a side. As it is I can't follow your argument because you keep flipping sides in the same paragraph. Sometimes even in the same sentence.
42 has stated clearly that it would (in her opinion) be racist for the mother to want the baby to be Asian only.

This is about the EGG though. Not the resulting baby. If Momma could provoide the egg the baby would be 1/2 Asian.

Forty-two · Guru

Well since the egg all by itself is not going to turn into a child and clearly his sperm is involved this is about the resulting baby particularly since he wrote "but frankly, now that I have the choice, I’d prefer my kids to be white."