What if your family told you your whole life that you need to go to college and then they realize that you don't have the academic strength or desire to do so? How does your family then go about saying it is ok for you not to go to college without sounding like they have given up on you?
I think the extended family should just let the matter drop. Those in a parental or mentorship position can encourage the person to pursue avenues outside of a 4-year college. They could encourage the person to join the Peace Corp or Americorp, or go to a trade school.
I would emphasize the 'don't have the desire to' and encourage them to find what theyy need to pursue where their interests lie. You're not giving up on the person, you're putting their reality above your 'when I have a kid he/she will' dreams/musings.
I would emphasize the 'don't have the desire to' and encourage them to find what theyy need to pursue where their interests lie. You're not giving up on the person, you're putting their reality above your 'when I have a kid he/she will' dreams/musings.
I concur.
I'd also add, college isn't the sure bet on the future that it used to be. It's fine to want to go, but they need to really want it. If that isn't true, it's okay to pursue a sure thing elsewhere. People always need electricians.
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It is rare for people to be asked the question which puts them squarely in front of themselves.
I would focus on where the kid's aptitude and interests do lie and encourage them in that direction, not as something they are settling on because they are not good enough for college but as a step in finding their own true path.
Of course if you have spent the kid's entire life prior to that telling them college is the only acceptable option and anything else would be not just a different path but a lesser one, you may be unable to undue the impression that your estimation of the kid is lowered.
If a parent really wants their kids to go to college it's better to be clear that that is your personal hope for them, but not the only possible way to have a good, successful and respectable life.
You can do like friends of mine did and "force" their son to go to college even though he did not want to. You can guess what happened - he flunked out and they wasted over $10,000.
People need to realize you only get to direct and star in your life only, not anyone else's life.
I wouldn't get worked up over my kid if he wasted (only) $10K in college, I don't even know where I could even find such a place that was only $10K for a semester!!!
I wouldn't get worked up over my kid if he wasted (only) $10K in college, I don't even know where I could even find such a place that was only $10K for a semester!!!
But not everyone has $10,000 to waste. To some people $10,000 is like $200,000 to you; it is a lot of money.
I wouldn't get worked up over my kid if he wasted (only) $10K in college, I don't even know where I could even find such a place that was only $10K for a semester!!!
But not everyone has $10,000 to waste. To some people $10,000 is like $200,000 to you; it is a lot of money.
True I am sure most people don't it may be a lot to some but in comparison to the cost of a college education it is not much. So I am looking at it differently.
I wouldn't get worked up over my kid if he wasted (only) $10K in college, I don't even know where I could even find such a place that was only $10K for a semester!!!
But not everyone has $10,000 to waste. To some people $10,000 is like $200,000 to you; it is a lot of money.
True I am sure most people don't it may be a lot to some but in comparison to the cost of a college education it is not much. So I am looking at it differently.
Did you miss the part where the kid flunked out? So the parents are out $10K and the kid has 'failure' tatooed on his forehead.
I wouldn't get worked up over my kid if he wasted (only) $10K in college, I don't even know where I could even find such a place that was only $10K for a semester!!!
But not everyone has $10,000 to waste. To some people $10,000 is like $200,000 to you; it is a lot of money.
True I am sure most people don't it may be a lot to some but in comparison to the cost of a college education it is not much. So I am looking at it differently.
Did you miss the part where the kid flunked out? So the parents are out $10K and the kid has 'failure' tatooed on his forehead.
No I did not miss that and thanks for bringing me back on point. I mean that.
So do you send the kid to college and let them try even if you know that there is a chance they may flunk out? If I knew of a good school that was only $10K a semester I might take the risk and just say to the kid just give it your best shot. Do you guide them towards a trade school? What do you do?
Are you asking for your own child or just in general?
In general, I would assume all a parent can do is lay out what they are willing to do/pay for and what the rules will be (move out in 2 yrs, contribute to the bills for 4 yrs, is a job required? etc) - the rest is up to the child.
What if your family told you your whole life that you need to go to college and then they realize that you don't have the academic strength or desire to do so? How does your family then go about saying it is ok for you not to go to college without sounding like they have given up on you?
At that point, I don't think there is anything the family can do. They've made it clear that college is the only acceptable path and to say 'nevermind, college isn't important' isn't going to be believable. But if the kid doesn't want to go to college, maybe they'll just be relieved that their family is finally backing off.
Speaking from actual experience - kid didn't want to go to college, I didn't make him. It would have been a waste of my money and his time and energy. When he decided working at the local video store was not how Kevin Smith portrayed it, he started taking college classes, and put in the work. If his interest had been in something that a trade school would be good for, I'd have supported that. If he wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but was not against going to college, I'd have encouraged him to go to college and take a variety of classes the first year that could go towards several degrees.
Community college classes are smaller, slightly easier, there's not as much pressure, and they are a small fraction of the price. The kid could start with a few pud classes and see how they do and then ramp up to harder classes. After 2 years you can transfer the associate’s degree to a 4 year school. A lot of community college credits don't transfer as anything other than general credits. You really have to do your research on which classes transfer where. For example algebra might transfer but biology won't. Or the community college might make students take english 101 and 102 but a 4 year school makes them take english 101 and 103 and doesn't recognize 102 as anything. If you are just trying to see how well the kid will do in school I'm sure you are more than willing to eat a few $100 on classes that won't transfer.
You could easily go to a community college for 2 years on $10,000. Some have satellite sites where you only go for classes and go home. Others have real campuses and dorms and sports teams. It's also really easy to get a scholarship to a community college. WAY easier than you'd think and you don't have to have straight As.
In my state, most community colleges have a sort of partnership with a big 4-year university. So the 4-year university will transfer most (or all) of the credits. I know a lot of people who get an associate's degree and then take 2 more years of classes at the big university. They may have to take a few extra courses, but usually the core curriculum credits will transfer. I think the policy is that you have to take the 300 and 400 level courses at the big university but you can take the 100 and 200 levels at the community college.
The parents should stress that whether the child attends college or not, they still need to have a PLAN of some kind to ensure they will be self-sufficient when they are an adult. If the child does not have a plan or know how to come up with one, then the parents need to have a few talks on how to go about that. Rather than "this is what you need to do", start with "What do YOU think you'd like to do, and how do you think you need to get started?".
If they don't know how to come up with a short term plan on how to live on their own, show them the basics. Start with the math of budgeting, how much income they will need for basic necessities, what kinds of job they can get without college or training, how much they can expect to make from those jobs, and how much that income will pay for in the way of necessities or "wants". Point out their options. They can go to community college, trade school, Job Corps, join the military, etc... If they want to skip that and go directly to work, perhaps trying different jobs to see what they like, that's an option too. If only to weed out the types of jobs they don't want.
I think it's important for kids to know they are loved and appreciated, even if they don't go to college, but that they are expected to be either working or going to school of some kind, and contribute to the household in some way after high school if they want to continue living at home. Never give up encouraging them, or giving up and just letting them live at home and do what they want.
The parents should stress that whether the child attends college or not, they still need to have a PLAN of some kind to ensure they will be self-sufficient when they are an adult. If the child does not have a plan or know how to come up with one, then the parents need to have a few talks on how to go about that. Rather than "this is what you need to do", start with "What do YOU think you'd like to do, and how do you think you need to get started?".
If they don't know how to come up with a short term plan on how to live on their own, show them the basics. Start with the math of budgeting, how much income they will need for basic necessities, what kinds of job they can get without college or training, how much they can expect to make from those jobs, and how much that income will pay for in the way of necessities or "wants". Point out their options. They can go to community college, trade school, Job Corps, join the military, etc... If they want to skip that and go directly to work, perhaps trying different jobs to see what they like, that's an option too. If only to weed out the types of jobs they don't want.
I think it's important for kids to know they are loved and appreciated, even if they don't go to college, but that they are expected to be either working or going to school of some kind, and contribute to the household in some way after high school if they want to continue living at home. Never give up encouraging them, or giving up and just letting them live at home and do what they want.
Agree.
And I also think trade schools are undervalued in the US. From what I am seeing within the group of teens graduating now within my FB circle, it seems like they're starting to make a comeback, but that's just my perception from circle.
