The irate IVFers from the other thread mentioned that on top of their devastation over having twins, they're having two more boys after they already have a son. It got me thinking about the countless times I heard this conversation before DSn00b (didn't find out sex beforehand) was born:
RandomPerson: Oh, you're having a THIRD? WOW! Me: Yup, can't wait! RP: Well, you have two girls, so you must be really hoping for a boy so you can stop, right? Me: Oh, I don't care either way! I'd be happy with either. RP: Well, I hope you get your boy so you can stop. Me: Um, ok.
Now I get the modified one:
RP: Oh, you had your boy, you must be SO HAPPY! Now you never have to go through that again! Me: I love my boy, but never say never, right? RP: ...
I have to say, I don't appreciate people assuming that my daughters are all right, I GUESS, but what I really wanted was a boy all along. They say these things in front of my girls and the older one is old enough to pick up on the not-so-subtle subtext. If the n00b had been a girl I would have been every bit as smitten as I am with him and was with my girls. We keep having babies because we love them and we make awesome babies, so why stop now?
So are people really disappointed if they don't get the baby they wanted? Is it the allure of having what you don't already have that makes this attitude prevalent or what?
I imagine there's still a social bias against girls, however slight, in the commentary I recieved, but the IVF couple were the opposite. Does that kind of disappointment carry over after the child is born and into their life? I really don't understand the mindset that one is better or more desireable than the other.
Firstly, that person was really rude. I will admit, I really wanted my nephew to be a little girl, but when he arrived, he was exactly what I wanted. If that makes sense.
I think there are more polite ways to express a similar sentiment, such as, "If you have a little boy you'll have some of each!"
I'd like to have a little girl, b/c my sister has a little boy and my cousin has a little boy. Not because I think girls are better, but because I've gotten to buy little boy outfits and trucks and dinosaurs and now I want to buy dresses and My Little Ponies.
I know what you mean about your nephew. I was convinced that my first would be a boy (husband has brother, FIL one of six boys, GFIL one of two boys...) and my tomboy self had no idea what to do with a girl! I think that's why she and her sister aren't totally girly (they love dress up, princesses, dolls, etc, but not any more than or to the exclusion of everything else). Now I can't even imagine her as a boy!
I think you're right and some of the people were trying to reference the "perfect" family of one girl, one boy and did it clumsily. But most of the people are oddly adamant that I FINALLY got my boy. Or that my husband got his boy at last, lucky him. I hear that and I think about how my husband's girls are the apples of his eye and they adore him and I just roll my eyes.
It's true about variety in shopping, though. I don't go crazy with gender-specific toys, but I am ready to buy little plaid shirts and cargo pants when it's cooler and the n00b doesn't live in onesies all day. I've already done the dresses, tights, hairbows, etc. And my girls like dinosaurs and planes and stuff, so I've done that too. :) In our family, my kids' generation is almost exclusively girls, so people are having fun with boy stuff now.
The strange thing is that I'd think that attitude would be more of a previous generation thing, but I've had that commentary from people (usually women) of all ages, from younger than I to my grandmother's age.
We got a little girl and we are thrilled, when we have the next we are going to be just as happy whether it's a boy or a girl, I do think that there are people out there that prefers having boys. Once I get pregnant with the next I foresee a few conversation combos in that regard.
I'm going to open up here, I kinda wanted LO to be a boy, but it was because I get along better with boys, however I wouldn't change my little princess for anything in the world.
I admit, I was afraid to have a girl, only because I have PCOS and horrible, visible side effects from it. Many women in my family line have suffered from hirsuitism as well, so I don't know if everyone had had it or we're just a hairy bunch, but I did not want to put my daughter through that. If AB had been a girl, though, I'd love her just as much. Aside from the genetics bit, it really didn't matter to me what sex we had.
When I told my grandmother AB was a boy, she said, "Oh. *pause* Well, there's still time for a girl!" I knew she just wanted to buy ruffly pink outfits, but the comment really stung.
Should we ever have another child, I think I would want another boy, for the simple fact that we have a full wardrobe already put away from AB and also if we ever get a 2-bedroom parsonage, they can easily share. Of course, if MiniVark2.0 is a girl, we'll still be thrilled. (And have fun buying new clothes!)
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"I never understood why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked." - Sophia Petrillo
I totally understand the genetics roulette and not wanting your daughter to share unpleasant experiences. I don't have health issues but I do have many difficulties with self-confidence and self-worth and I definitely work hard to spare my girls from feeling the same way about themselves.
The clothes thing is way true, too. When DD2 was born, a lot of people acted like we should be bummed with another girl, so I used to blow them off by saying that we know how to deal with girls and BONUS we have all the clothes already! And, of course, that we could never be sad about bringing a baby into the world no matter what.
A good, cheap way to stock kids' wardrobes is craigslist. I search for something like "girl 3T" and buy $40 worth of clothing (usually a garbage bag full) that lasts for a year or so. I let other people spend the big bucks on the brand new name brand stuff and just buy it preworn. They grow out of it so quickly!
Oh, I know! We're fortunate in that we have friends with older boys who give us a lot of hand-me-downs for AB. We also have friends who like to buy clothes for AB "just because." I very rarely have to buy stuff for AB unless it's something specific, like a holiday outfit. If we ever DO have a girl, I don't think I'll have to buy so much as a pair of socks, because my mother will just go nuts.
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"I never understood why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked." - Sophia Petrillo
