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Desdenova · Motherhood: Sleep is for the weak!!

Kind of sad... Need another point of view

OpheliaDev1 · Guru

November/December is a very very busy month for most families. A traditional nuclear family has to divide their time between the mom and dad's side. A non-traditional family has to balance out in laws, step-kids, ex in laws, etc etc. For example, my sister's StbEx has 2 kids from his previous marriage. So their holiday season involves making time to see the husband's dad's side, the husband's mom's side (both have very large families that have a large holiday celebration,) the ex wife's time with her kids, spending time with my family, etc. This on top of normal school activities and trying to balance the needs and wants of 2 teenagers and 1 toddler. They typically visit 3 households every Thanksgiving, have 2 big family gatherings between Thanksgiving and Christmas, have a Christmas Eve party, attend a big family meal on Christmas day, and then there's often something on New Year's Eve or Day. That's a whole lot of stuff. Now just imagine if my sister had children from a previous marriage to worry about, which many families do!

There is also the issue of it being winter and it's dark outside by 5 pm, and many elderly people don't like to drive at night. Plus there may be ice, fog, etc.

How far is the trip? If people are not willing to make a 30 minute or 1 hour trip, I would also be very hurt. But IMO, if you're talking a 2 hour trip, that's pretty much a day trip. That's 4 hours of driving in one day. I do think it's a lot to expect people to devote a whole day in December to one event. They drive 2 hours to get there, watch the ceremony, perhaps eat a meal, then drive home another 2 hours. That's at least 6 hours.

In your position, I would seriously consider rescheduling the baptism.

RichardInTN · I believe in I.D.I.C.

What Ophelia said...

kinalikamom · Senior Member

Des, is this a case that you, in the past, have made sacrifices to attend their special events such as baptisms and you feel they aren't making the same effort? Try not to take it personally but do file it away under 'things to keep in mind the next time my presence is requested.'

Wanting to establish your own Christmas traditions now is a very good thing. If you don't want to go to your uncle's, perhaps (since he is local) you can visit your relatives on a day that encompasses their visit but just not Christmas itself? (I am assuming they will be overnighting for a few days).

Desdenova · Motherhood: Sleep is for the weak!!

Thank you guys for the perspective.

I do feel better today, yesterday I was very very hurt but once I let it go and allowed my practical side to take over my emotions I realized that it does make sense. Changing the date of the baptism is a no go, we have deposits on everything and the Godparents have a busy agenda of events.

Also I wanted to celebrate both the baptism and her birthday at the same time and make a big deal out of it.

Another thing that helped me get over this is that one of my very best friends is going to come!!! She made my day :D

I still feel undecided about the Christmas party, if we stay local I'm sure we are going to get some grieve if we don't show up, and everyone will think that's because they didn't come, and that's not the case. If I could we would spend both holidays at home lol.

iluvsuomi1989 · Senior Member

Given the choice, I'd be much happier myself if a very best friend attended my event rather than a relative, but, well that's just me.

Hope you have a wonderful time and remember to post the photos!

Desdenova · Motherhood: Sleep is for the weak!!

Thank you!

I'm happier now, yesterday my sister where at out place helping put together the center pieces and some things I planned for the party. They have been great!!! I love them very very much. We talked about how I felt and they said that they were there for me and that melted my heart :)