Last night, CS's father called Mom b/c he wanted to pick up something. He mentioned something about Cousin not being good and communicating. Mom agreed. The subject came around to Cousin and CS moving out, and Mom informed him that it wasn't Cousin's idea, that she'd been asked to leave, mainly b/c of CS's behavior. And then she let him have it. She told him that most of CS's issues could be fixed with a switch, and that by the time he was 16, Mom thinks he will be hitting Cousin. He protested that CS was getting better since Christmas and she informed him that no, CS is just getting worse.
Several years ago, when CS was in 1st grade, he knocked over a child and was punching him. The teacher had to PULL HIM OFF the other child, and he then hit the teacher. CS and her ex's response? They had a family dinner, because obviously CS was upset if he was acting like that in school. Then the dad left and CS and Cousin watched a movie. No punishment other than talking.
CS's dad doesn't remember that at all. So Mom informed him THAT was the problem. How can you NOT remember the day your child beat up another child and THEN hit a teacher?
And this is why if my (theoretical) child is ever hit in school, I will show up with a lawyer. Because the parents of bullies do not give a sh!t.
The boy's parents. don' t seem to have any idea what they are creating. It would not be surprising if that boy turns into the kind of teenager that drives around and hits mailboxes with ballbats and deliberatly runs over small animals.
Sometimes reports of teens that commit violent crimes quote the parents who say they never dreampt their child would do such a thing. I wonder if people can really be that clueless or they just don't want to publicly admit their child is horrible and they are bad parents.
"I wonder if people can really be that clueless or they just don't want to publicly admit their child is horrible and they are bad parents."
IMO, the signs were all there. I think that parents like these just assume that kids "grow out" of bad behaviors, and truly don't get that you have to TEACH them not to do the bad behaviors.
I think the vast majority of these kids who commit crimes, if you got away from parents and started asking aunts, uncles, teachers, etc, you'd find people saying, "Johnny has had problems for years, but his parents just wouldn't do anything."
Sometimes kids hit that are not bullies just FYI. My son with autism has hit or been violent towards kids in school and he is not a bully. He just can't control himself due to the autism and overstimulation and anxiety and lashes out at other people. The teachers don't even blame him most of the time and admit it was because his needs were not being met or the other kids were goading him or bothering him.
But, we still tell him that hitting/etc is not okay and he knows we expect him not to do it. We have been telling him if he wants to try karate this Summer he has to learn to use his fists not for hitting and that seems to be working on him.
If a parent jumped on me about my son hitting their kids I would tell them to turn that right around and blame it on the school because he only freaks out when they are not following his IEP behavior and education plan. As long as that is followed he hardly ever has an issue anymore.
I also am like WTF about people being like "OH they would NEVER do that! I just can't believe it". I seriously doubt that it was 100% out of nowhere. People always want to defend their family members no matter what they do and they don't want to admit some of the blame goes on them too.
BA, I see what you're saying, but in this case if CS had autism - or anything that could REMOTELY be considered diagnosible - his doctor parents would be all over it as an excuse for their son's behavior.
While I did not witness the incident in question, I have witnessed many other incidents of bullying. He is not "lashing out". He deliberately manipulates a situation, or he flat out goes and engages with a kid (like Nephew) who is playing by themselves and involves himself and tries to get the kid in trouble.
I understand. He probably is bullying. He also is probably lashing out because he wants control and discipline and his mother will not give it to him. Kids actually beg for structure. I feel sorry for him because his mom is failing him so horribly. I cannot believe this woman is a pediatrician.
Wow, this kid sounds like one of my neighbors kids. He is a bully through and through at the ripe ole age of 6 and is sneaky too! When he's caught and confronted with it, he throws a huge cry baby temper tantrum.
It is sad when parents refuse to see what their children are really capable of doing to others but I think BA is right in that these kids are really looking for discipline and structure.
