Invisapeeps 2.0

Lol, and here I thought I was being much more frank on this board!!

Balloon Animal wrote:

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ana wrote:

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I am one and the same.

I'm sorry if you felt I was harsh on the other board. I don't think I was ever harsh with anyone. Blunt sometimes but not cruel.

I think sometimes tone is inferred. Most of the time I am just being matter of fact. Perhaps it comes across as harsh.

I have to say I have never even ever received a warning on any board, so it might just be a matter of interpretation.

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 Well there is a more mob mentality of mean girls on that board. I am not the only one that thinks so. Some of the mods are known for being the harshest so not getting reprimanded does not mean much. 

You have been very sweet over here though. 

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 You're certainly not, BA.

It's more than obvious and has been proven time & time again.

I'm all for giving a person a fresh start.

flan

Balloon Animal wrote:

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ana wrote:

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I am one and the same.

I'm sorry if you felt I was harsh on the other board. I don't think I was ever harsh with anyone. Blunt sometimes but not cruel.

I think sometimes tone is inferred. Most of the time I am just being matter of fact. Perhaps it comes across as harsh.

I have to say I have never even ever received a warning on any board, so it might just be a matter of interpretation.

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 Well there is a more mob mentality of mean girls on that board. I am not the only one that thinks so. Some of the mods are known for being the harshest so not getting reprimanded does not mean much. 

You have been very sweet over here though. 

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 You might want to review the rules, BA.  Is the rule really going to have to be reinstated?  

"UPDATE: The rule concerning other forums has changed. We still ask that you do not use this forum to bash another (i.e. - the MM Invisapeeps board). Discussing other boards has never been prohibited, however we felt the rule was necessary due to a few bad apples trying to stir up trouble. We may reinstate this rule if necessary. "

 

Did I ever claim to be a mod? No, I didn't. Trashing the other board was not a natural flow of conversation and just because you THINK no one had a problem with it doesn't make it so.

ana wrote:

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Balloon Animal wrote:

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winds: you are not a mod last time I checked. If they feel I am being inappropriate, they can let me know. I think it was a natural flow of conversation about Ana and that she is on the other board too and how the dynamic is different. I don't think anyone had a problem with it.

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 You are correct.  I had no problem with you explaining how you felt and why.

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 Me neither there was absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted.

Grand Poohbah of Peepdom wrote:

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Fight nice, girls.

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I had no idea this person was a mod.  Which is why I chose to ignore this comment.

I'm not telling anyone how to post, but this came across kind of condescending and a bit misogynistic.  If rules have been broken please let us know, but this kind of discourse brings nothing to the table.  I think we have all been pretty respectful even though we disagree.  We are not girls.  We are women having a conversation.

Are disagreements discouraged here?  If not, wth is this supposed to accomplish?

 

I actually saw it more as stirring the pot!

BA this has probably been said but oh well....I'm usually a day late and a dollar short. I Understand how you may desire a more traditional dynamic with your Dad. I get it and you're not wrong for wanting it but there comes a time where you have to decide....am I going to keep setting myself up for hurt and disappointment or adjust my expectations so I'm not hurt all of the time. again....nothing wrong in what you want....but sometimes we have to accept the limitations of others (it svcks doesn't it....in a perfect world no one would ever disappoint me....waahhhhhhh...says I) and be at peace with it. and enjoy your life Girl!

My Dad was very similar Ophelia though could be financially generous, though sometimes when it as not wanted...ie: to control. Good suggestions.

ana wrote:

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Grand Poohbah of Peepdom wrote:

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Fight nice, girls.

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I had no idea this person was a mod.  Which is why I chose to ignore this comment.

I'm not telling anyone how to post, but this came across kind of condescending and a bit misogynistic.  If rules have been broken please let us know, but this kind of discourse brings nothing to the table.  I think we have all been pretty respectful even though we disagree.  We are not girls.  We are women having a conversation.

Are disagreements discouraged here?  If not, wth is this supposed to accomplish?

 

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 I don't think Winds was doing the above. She straight up name called and was insulting. But the rest of you were fine IMO

Balloon Animal wrote:

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I think those are good suggestions Ophelia but since he lives 2 and a half hours away, he really can't do the show up and play for 30 mins and then leave. He ends up staying all day or even over night. But the truth of it is, his limit to deal with them without getting annoyed or bothered is about an hour. So he invites us up to his house and we will go do some kind of activity like go to the botanical garden that lasts 2 to 3 hours and then he wants us to stay the night but by then his tolerance of them is kinda over with. So I am expected to just somehow keep them entertained by myself and happy and it frustrates me. Because there are no toys at his house. Only thing to do is he just puts the tv on and expects them to sit there and watch it and leave him alone.

But ROBOT gets bored and starts messing with stuff and my Dad gets annoyed. We bring toys with us but I can only pack so much in our trunk when we also have to bring food and clothing.

So really I agree, he needs to be the type of Grandpa that can meet us for dinner and then that be the end of it. Or come play for 2 hours and then go home. But due to distance this does not really work out. So then we have these all day or 2 day get togethers that JUST DON'T WORK.

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 And BA that is not a bad thing that is kind of relationship my girls have with their grandmother she was never into little kids but now that they are teens she loves hanging out with them.

Aardvark, were you finding the discussion to be getting too heated?

I am just trying to understand the purpose of the post.

I didn't think we were "fighting", just conversing.

Forty-two wrote:

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Balloon Animal wrote:

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I think those are good suggestions Ophelia but since he lives 2 and a half hours away, he really can't do the show up and play for 30 mins and then leave. He ends up staying all day or even over night. But the truth of it is, his limit to deal with them without getting annoyed or bothered is about an hour. So he invites us up to his house and we will go do some kind of activity like go to the botanical garden that lasts 2 to 3 hours and then he wants us to stay the night but by then his tolerance of them is kinda over with. So I am expected to just somehow keep them entertained by myself and happy and it frustrates me. Because there are no toys at his house. Only thing to do is he just puts the tv on and expects them to sit there and watch it and leave him alone.

But ROBOT gets bored and starts messing with stuff and my Dad gets annoyed. We bring toys with us but I can only pack so much in our trunk when we also have to bring food and clothing.

So really I agree, he needs to be the type of Grandpa that can meet us for dinner and then that be the end of it. Or come play for 2 hours and then go home. But due to distance this does not really work out. So then we have these all day or 2 day get togethers that JUST DON'T WORK.

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 And BA that is not a bad thing that is kind of relationship my girls have with their grandmother she was never into little kids but now that they are teens she loves hanging out with them.

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 True. Except the distance thing makes it a bad thing because you are not going to want to spend all that gas money and wear and tear on your car and time and energy driving 2 and a half hours to hang out for two hours. At least not often. 

I do prefer to make day trips up to see him. I just can't do it all the time. I will do it about four times a year or so. Then if he does it four times a year that makes us seeing him 8 to 10 times a year or so which is pretty good. He gets mad though if I won't stay the night at his house. I am not sure why he insists on it. You are not spending quality time while they are asleep. Then we usually get up and leave right after breakfast the next morning. So it makes more sense for us to just leave when the kids and him are tired out and go home. I tried talking and explaining that to him but he won't hear it. 

When he comes up here, he and the kids pow wow in the living room and sleep on air mattresses if he spends the night. They seem to have more fun doing that because the kids are more comfortable in their own home and there are toys here. 

So if he lived close I think our relationship could be a lot better and same with the kids. He could come to events easier if he wanted to. He could visit more without it needing to be some huge all day and night visit. And he can leave when he needs a break and go home. But he moved away by choice. So its his own fault he does not see them more. 

Balloon Animal wrote:

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Forty-two wrote:

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Balloon Animal wrote:

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I think those are good suggestions Ophelia but since he lives 2 and a half hours away, he really can't do the show up and play for 30 mins and then leave. He ends up staying all day or even over night. But the truth of it is, his limit to deal with them without getting annoyed or bothered is about an hour. So he invites us up to his house and we will go do some kind of activity like go to the botanical garden that lasts 2 to 3 hours and then he wants us to stay the night but by then his tolerance of them is kinda over with. So I am expected to just somehow keep them entertained by myself and happy and it frustrates me. Because there are no toys at his house. Only thing to do is he just puts the tv on and expects them to sit there and watch it and leave him alone.

But ROBOT gets bored and starts messing with stuff and my Dad gets annoyed. We bring toys with us but I can only pack so much in our trunk when we also have to bring food and clothing.

So really I agree, he needs to be the type of Grandpa that can meet us for dinner and then that be the end of it. Or come play for 2 hours and then go home. But due to distance this does not really work out. So then we have these all day or 2 day get togethers that JUST DON'T WORK.

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 And BA that is not a bad thing that is kind of relationship my girls have with their grandmother she was never into little kids but now that they are teens she loves hanging out with them.

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 True. Except the distance thing makes it a bad thing because you are not going to want to spend all that gas money and wear and tear on your car and time and energy driving 2 and a half hours to hang out for two hours. At least not often. 

I do prefer to make day trips up to see him. I just can't do it all the time. I will do it about four times a year or so. Then if he does it four times a year that makes us seeing him 8 to 10 times a year or so which is pretty good. He gets mad though if I won't stay the night at his house. I am not sure why he insists on it. You are not spending quality time while they are asleep. Then we usually get up and leave right after breakfast the next morning. So it makes more sense for us to just leave when the kids and him are tired out and go home. I tried talking and explaining that to him but he won't hear it. 

When he comes up here, he and the kids pow wow in the living room and sleep on air mattresses if he spends the night. They seem to have more fun doing that because the kids are more comfortable in their own home and there are toys here. 

So if he lived close I think our relationship could be a lot better and same with the kids. He could come to events easier if he wanted to. He could visit more without it needing to be some huge all day and night visit. And he can leave when he needs a break and go home. But he moved away by choice. So its his own fault he does not see them more. 

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 I think seeing someone who lives that far away 10 times a year is a lot.  My mother and my MIL lived 1.5 hours away and be damned if I would see them that often.  I think this may be another reason I cannot relate as much to your story because I would be damned if I would drive 2.5 hours to see someone more than four times in a year.

We see my parents pretty much every month and they live 1 1/2 hours away. We never stay the night. My parents want us to, but we have stood steady on that and now their expectations have been altered. My OS is expected to stay the night pretty much every time.

It's still not enough for them.

So, do what is comfortable to you and they will just have to deal. So what if your dad is mad you are not staying the night? What can he do expect pout?

Thank you Ana and Ophelia. Good advice.
That is kinda how I have come to terms with it. I tell him "No, its going to be a day trip this time" and he pouts but I just deal. I guess I am hoping for a Dad that would be okay with that without pouting but maybe that is too much to ask! haha
I have tried so many times and DH even has tried and my mother has tried to explain to him over and over about Robot's autism and Hip Hop's food allergies and that we have a life outside of him with the kids events and activities and other friends and family and that we cannot just drop everything for him. He just does not get it. I have sent him links and articles trying to explain food allergies and autism. I have tried just telling him. He does not get it.

For one example, at least 6 times now I have told him the allergist said Hip Hop will not outgrow his allergies most likely. But, over and over my Dad keeps trying to brush it off like he will outgrow it and this will not be a lifetime problem for him. Like because he wills it to happen, it somehow will. Like we are making it be a lifetime problem by our choice. He does not like to be realistic if that reality bugs him or is not positive. But sorry Charlie, that's our life. So next time he freaking says that he will outgrow it thing. I am probably going to go off on him. Be like "Do I need to get his allergist on the phone right now so you can hear it from him personally that he is not going to outgrow it? Because I have told you probably 10 times what the allergist said and either you think I am lying or you are being willfully ignorant or just not bothering to remember my response."

I have noticed that with my dad, dropping the rope has the most impact. Next time he pooh-pooh's Robot's issues or Hip Hop's issues, don't say anything. Let there be an awkward silence. Then just say, "Dad, i have to go," and hang up the phone.

I saw it in action. Mom is very into a certain horse sport. Horses are expensive. Her horse developed a condition that made him unable to participate in this sport, but he was still sound and a good riding horse, so she sold him.

Dad said, "My friend wonders how you can be such an animal lover and just sell your horse like that." Mom just got up and left the room. The look on Dad's face was priceless.