I don't want to say I'm asking for advice, per se, b/c as I've said before, I'm not a decider. But Mom brought this up to me this weekend. Yay, Christmas drama 7 months early!
She is wondering whether to invite Cousin to Christmas. She wonders if Sister will be upset if Cousin is invited at all. We are pretty sure that this year is the year for CS's dad to have him from 10 am Christmas Day.
I really don't know what to expect. Cousin and CS have spent every Christmas morning that CS wasn't with his dad at our home.
Mom doesn't want CS there at all, and I agree. She feels like Sister would just pack up Nephew and leave, and she also feels like it would be a betrayal of Sister.
Mom wants to call CS Dad about 2 weeks before Christmas and ask him what times he will have CS for on Christmas Day. Then if he is planning on getting CS, invite Cousin.
I feel like Mom needs to just take the bull by the horns (for once) and tell Cousin, "Last Christmas, you took away CS's toys on Christmas morning. Then you took a nap, Skyped your boyfriend and went for a jog, leaving us to try to deal with your angry child while also preparing a meal for 15 people. I'm not doing that again. If you'd like to join us for dinner while CS is with his dad, you're welcome to join us."
I'm kind of leaning in the direction of just not inviting Cousin.
Mom thinks there's no way she'd show up with CS. TBH, I think she's wrong. Dinner is always at teh same time, so I can totally see Cousin showing up with CS around 11 or 12.
Our family and extended family are drama-free so I have zero experience, but, considering your cousin, I might go with something like your mom calling Cousin well in advance (way more than 2 weeks) and saying something like:
Ever since you've moved out, our family gatherings have been very pleasant. We want to keep it that way for Christmas, so we wish you the best but don't want the drama you bring. Hope you and little monster have a nice day elsewhere.
sigh..no I probably wouldn't but then again, after everything that went on, maybe I would!
I would not buy trouble. But if you don't invite cousin I would not announce it or explain....just invite who you want to invite. less said the better.
Mom's Christmas is pretty much a family institution. Cousin's perspective is so skewed that I really have no trouble imagining her showing up with CS. And I feel like Mom going around Cousin to ask CS Dad about his plans is not a good idea.
Plus, that's just THIS year. 2015 will be Cousin's turn with CS again. I guess I feel that it's a "start as you mean to go on" deal.
I think you should write that 'speech' down and give it to your mom. It's to the point, makes it clear that she's welcome, but that things have changed and the drama days are over.
Oh she will still show up if she wants to. Have no doubt. I would have your Mom tell her that CS is not welcome due to the behavior in the past (if she is willing to say that and enforce it and she should!) but if CS does not come, then C is welcome to come. Then go from there. Tell her that if CS behaves better and shows improvement he will be asked back for holidays. Her daughter, your sister, and her grandchild take precedence over CS and C.
