So other than getting away from someone you don't want to be married to some friends were sitting around talking about the benefits of divorce. Trying to find the silver lining and all.
Assuming you you work and you marry someone who works and you divorce someone who works you now have three people to fund your kids' college education.
You can take breaks from parenting more than before.
What other benefits would you give to divorcee with kids?
The getting breaks from the kids is a good one. DH jokes about wishing he was a weekend Dad LOL. Until I tell him yeah you only have to deal with them on the weekend but you deal with them all along during that time. haha
The college education one is not always true. Some stepparents may not want to pay for your college or they may have to pay for their own kids college if they have kids from a previous marriage.
The kids get to go to more holiday celebrations. Which some kids may prefer to have all the family together at once for holidays but some kids might prefer having multiple Christmases and Thanksgivings and Halloweens and birthday parties etc. I enjoyed getting more than one celebration.
One of the benefits is that the ex HAS to pay for higher education. Had my sister and exBIL stayed married, he would have spent the entire college fund and there would have been nothing for nephew. Now, the court will make him pay.
My sister has saved more money being single than when she was married. So financial security?
I have to say sometimes I wish I could send TB over DXH's house when I send the girls. I love one week on and one week off of parenting. I will never understand fighting for sole custody
I know that my mother had it a part of her divorce decree that my father had to list me as a beneficiary of his life insurance and continue to always pay for that insurance. So he cannot leave his money to charity or someone else. It is legally having to go to me. She basically took a huge cut in support in order to get this because it is a huge life insurance policy.
I have to say sometimes I wish I could send TB over DXH's house when I send the girls. I love one week on and one week off of parenting. I will never understand fighting for sole custody
If the other parent is a loser you would understand. My friend is hearing horror stories about how her ex is taking her 10 year old DD to bars and saying he is going to take her to get a tattoo and he leaves her at the neighborhood pool the entire day with no money or food or water or sunscreen. If you heard stuff like that, you might change your mind and rather have them with you. Oh yeah and he smokes pot and lets her drive dangerous motorcycles and drives motorcycles and other rec vehicles drunk.
-- Edited by Balloon Animal on Tuesday 27th of May 2014 11:04:11 PM
That's so true 42. I think much more care should be taken before procreating with someone. You will be tied to them for the rest of your life.
Sometimes I think some women spend more time picking out an outfit than picking out a father!
And yes, people do change, but not fundamentally. They had all those qualities before, but a blind eye was turned on them, and you chose to have a child with him why????
I have to say sometimes I wish I could send TB over DXH's house when I send the girls. I love one week on and one week off of parenting. I will never understand fighting for sole custody
And here's where our opinions diverge :)
My husband is a fantastic father and I have absolutely no doubts he could be a great father were we to divorce. I know that it would personally crush me to not see my children daily, to miss key occasions, etc. While I'd love to think I'd be the better person and willingly go for an equitable split of custody were we to divorce, a part of me wonders if animosity from the split and the momma bear factor might have me fighting for full custody.
When DH and I have had rough patches, the fact that I might lose primary custody is one of the thoughts that pushed me to work on our relationship more. He's a SAHD, I work a demanding job.... it's very feasible that I would become a weekend mom and I can't imagine how bad our relationship would need to get before I would risk that.
We have several sets of friends who have divorced and remained friendly. The kids generally figure out how to play the system pretty quickly so there's a positive for them? (left my homework at dad's house, mom always lets me eat this, dad didn't give me money for the field trip so you'll need to give it to me mom?)
I don't know... I'm really stretching. I haven't seen a lot of positives to divorce IRL. I've been lucky enough that I haven't been exposed to any real abuse, neglect, etc. though...
I think it's pretty unreasonable to assume the step-parent will help pay for their stepchild's college education.
That step-parent is very likely to have children of their own.
In my sister's case, she will definitely be better off financially and, as one poster said, her ex will now be forced to contribute, whereas before he was paying for his stuff - his medicine, gas, fast food, cigarettes, impulse buys and then throwing my sister whatever he had left PLUS he demanded (and got) a debit card tied to the bank account where her money went.
I will say that 42 has a very very good point. I personally don't know anybody who married a nice, responsible person who then turned into a dead-beat parent. My sister's ex was a deadbeat from the day she met him. He was living in his car. His credit was so bad he couldn't open a SAVINGS account. Before they married and were living together, my sister was working her fulltime (well paying job) plus working 10 hrs a day on the weekends to pay HIS child support. (Meanwhile, he sat on his ass and watched TV, or on the weekends he had his kids, he took them to McDonald's and the Dollar Store to buy stuff while she worked.) WHY WHY WHY WHY do people marry people like this, much less reproduce with them?!?!
I agree that someone will not over night turn into a deadbeat parent. My friend I mentioned did not make the best choice in who she picked to marry. But, it is what it is and now she is ordered to let him have custody visitation (they fought in court over the divorce and custody agreements for months and months and months!) and she would rather him not. He is straight up crazy. He did something like he said it was his turn to throw the little girl a birthday party and my friend said that would be fine, but then he said that not only could my friend not come but none of her friends could come or family. So the little girl literally probably had 5 people at that party because all her friends since she is homeschooled are basically through her mother and her mother's friends too. Like us for example. So I doubt any kids hardly showed up. It is just petty and stupid. I was not keen on being around him but I would have brought the kids so her little girl could have friends there, but apparently we were not invited. SMH.
That is just one of many crazy things he does.
Personally I would never want to be divorced if I had to share custody. I could not deal having to not have my kids for holidays and birthdays and not being able to be there for all their things. That is one of my favorite parts of parenting. So yeah....I would hate it. I also would not like having no control over what happens with them when he would have custody time. Like he could just dump them on his mother the whole time and I would get no say in that. So yeah that would not go over well.
BA, there is no reason the mother couldn't have a birthday party for her daughter, even if the father did. If she chose not to, that's on her, not the father. Not inviting the mother and mother's friends is not crazy if there's animosity between the parents. Considering all the speculation on your part, with nothing to back it up, it's not wonder he didn't invite anyone 'on that side'. IF he truly was doing the things he's been accused of, the proper authorities should be, and in the case of a child alone all day at a public pool, probably WOULD be, notified. Otherwise, you can't control what a parent does when it's 'their turn' - whether it's taking the kid to the in-laws you can't stand, or letting them get their ears pierced or a tattoo if she wants one.
Since me and my kids live with my DH and he works and pays the bills he is helping to pay for my kids' college education.
That is pretty much how my SD was too. His kids were grown already and past needing money for college. My mom was a SAHW so he was technically I guess paying for me to live with them and my food and what not while I was in college. I got scholarships and what was not covered for tuition my Dad paid for.
